He Loves Me

Several paths are laid before me
Which way to go, I don’t worry
I’m confident I’m on the right way
For His light shines upon me.

So many voices are calling out to me
But these don’t confuse me
I know which one to answer
For His voice is louder than the others.

Problems of different forms confront me
But these shall never defeat me
I know I can overcome all these
For He teaches me the way.

Against all of life’s storms, I’ll stand firmly
Amidst all evil, I’ll stay untouched
I believe God takes care of me
Because I know He loves me so much.


This piece was written in 1991. I was 13.

Classics and me: Changing my stand

In my February 8, 2006 post (The Challenge), I challenged myself to read eight classics, in addition to some non-classics I planned to finish this year. The challenge was for me to find out if I’d ever be able to stand classics, which I’d always labeled as boring, their language and themes being reflective of eras I can hardly relate to.

Eight classics after, here I am, ready to concede that my friends Salve and Tayns are right in thinking that classics do present interesting facets of the lives and events in the authors’ respective milieus.

Needless to say, I did enjoy my foray into the world of classical literature. I laughed at Tom Sawyer’s and Huckleberry Finn’s antics in Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn; chuckled at Scout and Jem Finch’s frolics in Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mocking Bird; emphatized with Oliver in Charles Dickens’ Oliver Twist; wondered if indeed Pearl in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Scarlet Letter was out of this world; flinched at Catherine and Heathcliff’s unapologetic brashness in Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights; lived with the gods and goddesses in Edith Hamilton’s Mythology; and laughed at Pettrucio’s wit and got shattered by Katherine’s “taming” in Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew.

I got so engrossed in the challenge that I no longer simply borrow classic books from friends. I have started collecting. Just last night, I bought a copy of Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility and Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations. And yesterday afternoon, Ellen gave me a copy of Shakespeare’s Much Ado about Nothing as a Christmas present.

So I am glad I made that challenge for myself. Not only was I able to conquer my “allergy” toward “Old English” but I also discovered a world beyond my turf. Now, I can say classics aren’t really so bad; thanks to Tayns and Salve for their encouragement. It took me quite some time before I got “infected” with their “afflictions,” but I’m glad I eventually managed to develop this “classic disorder.”



*One might ask how I fared in the non-classics. I am happy to say I was able to finish all the titles I listed — and more. I also enjoyed all the courtroom dramas in John Grisham’s The Pelican Brief, The Client, The Partner, The Chamber, The Runaway Jury and The Brethren; and a lot more (list to follow).

But while I did well in the non-classics and read most of the classics I dared require myself to finish, I must admit there were classic titles I failed to read: Jane Austen’s Emma and Mark Twain’s The Prince and the Pauper simply because I don’t yet have a copy of said works; and Milton’s Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained, which I did try to read, but did not quite finish, it being a poem and poem being not a favorite read of mine. I also have a copy of Ferdinand Marcos’ The New Society (it was my mom’s and it's not in the list) but I did not even touch it, politics (which I hate) being its theme.

So I guess I both lost and won the challenge. And that means I can — and will — buy the white gold necklace I’ve been wanting for myself. That is, if it’s still there. As for treating my friends to lunch or dinner, I don’t think there would be any problem with that. Anyway, it's Christmas.

** Just in case there are those who are thinking that my claims — that I am very busy and that I have read all these things — are conflicting, here’s the explanation: I always bring a book wherever I go. I read while waiting, while cueing and while traveling. I am such an impatient person that I always need to be doing something, lest I’d be very annoyed, especially when the person I’m supposed to meet don’t come on time. So bringing a book with me is like shooting two birds with one stone — it lets me cope with my reading program and helps prevent my temper from flaring when someone doesn't come close to my expectations.

Beads and anik-aniks

If I weren't a fulltime employee and student, there is another thing I would be very busy in — and that is, creating accessories and trinkets.

Yup my dears. If only I had a lot of time to spare, I'd be having a love affair with those cute little things I love so much — beads, especially crystals. No, let me correct myself. I'd be going back to the old relationship I had with these anik-aniks which I had to let go when my other lives (work and studies) started to demand for more attention.

There's something about beads that thugs at my sense of style and fashion, so that whenever I see beautiful accessories, I think not of rushing to where the wearer bought them, but of creating one myself, not completely copying what's in the market, but adding tweaks into my creation, so that my accessories will have something different from what buy-only fashion buffs don.

Creating necklaces, earrings, bracelets and cellphone bling-blings is actually one of the things I planned to do this Christmas break. But realizing it may not be possible, I sacrificed one night to create some accessories for myself. And I'm quite happy with the things I was able to create that night, a pair of which I donned for my co-hosting stint in our company's TV program. I wish I'd be able to create some more, and give them as presents to my friends (except Salve and Tayns who, like myself, also make their own accessories) and female cousins. But I guess I may have to rush to the malls instead, and buy them something else.

Ah, Time. Must we always be out of synch? What have I done that made you hate me so?

GMM launches Saluyot

Gumil Metro Manila launched Saluyot, the association's newsletter, during its 40th Anniversary celebration held on December 10, 2006 at Child Jesus College in Bagong Silang, Caloocan City.

You may access the newletter by clicking this link:

Saluyot

Not a Good Cook

I'm not a good cook, and the kitchen,
Except during meals, is the last place I’d be seen in.
But lately, not only do I hum, albeit out of tune
but I’ve also dared put on the apron
And the vegetables, the freshest from my father’s crop
I gathered and carefully peeled and chopped
and cooked, praying they’d be miraculously alright.
I smiled, and before you, I set my specialty
And offered it to you, nervously, humbly
But you were already full, you told me
So you had to decline, saying you were sorry.

Oh, I know what you’d have said had you tasted it
You’d have told me it was the best meal you’ve ever had
And I’m sure you would have meant it
Though we’d both know it’d be far from the truth.
I would have smiled and said, ‘Thank you’
and my heart would have done a somersault.
But still, on the table, the food lay untouched
And I lowered my eyes, careful not to show my pout
It would not have mattered, it would not have hurt
It would not have meant that much
Had the food I offered you hadn’t been my heart.

I’m not a good cook, but I sure tried!


Copyright Sherma Espino Benosa
November 18, 2002

A peek into what I'm writing right now...

Just the intro, okay? There may be some grammatical errors, but hey, it's just a draft and the article's not even finished. So, ganun talaga. Besides, if I can think of a better intro, this part may not see print at all.

Here we go...



THE PUFFING HABIT
Why people get into smoking, the health and economic burden of the habit, and tips to break it
By Sherma E. Benosa


Advertisements portray cigarettes as hip, and being seen flipping a stick between fingers or puffing one as ‘cool.’

But what advertisements don’t show are the gory effects this “hip” habit has upon the body. They fail to show that not only is cigarette smoking linked to virtually every chronic illness known to man, but more importantly, that it is the second major cause of death in the world. And so we see people in almost every corner and from all walks of life flicking and puffing those slim sticks, paradoxically, as if their lives depended upon them.


The Very First Puff

The temptation to start smoking can be likened to the very first sin, with advertisements and other tempters representing Eve and the snake; the cigarette stick representing the forbidden fruit; and the would-be smokers representing Adam.

And just as the snake used enlightenment to tempt Eve, so do advertisers link smoking to such sought-after virtues or state as sophistication, good life, success, independence, fun, and nonconformity to lure the gullible public — most often the teen-agers — to their very first stick. And to make its sales pitch more effective, the snake has made a tremendous transformation — from its slimy form to sophisticated and beautiful models, making the temptation even more difficult to resist.

But just as Adam’s very first bite into the forbidden fruit got him and Eve banished from the Garden of Eden and eternally condemned, so can the would-be smoker’s very first puff banish his or her health, and get him or her hooked into the puffing habit, which he or she will soon have to fight off — perhaps for several years, perhaps for life.

For there is something about the first puff that can get most try-only smokers hooked, so that what could have been simply a trial puff or even a social smoking can turn into an unbreakable habit. According to a study by University College of London researchers published in the journal Tobacco Control, if an 11-year old child smokes even just one cigarette, the urge to smoke stays within that child for three years, significantly raising his or her chances of becoming a regular smoker.

This finding is a cause for alarm. According to 2003 data from the US National Institutes of Health (US-NIH), the average age at first use among people 12 years and older is 15.4; among 12- to 17-year-olds, 12.3; and among 18- to 25-year-olds, 14.7. US-NIH adds that the younger a person starts smoking, the more likely he or she is to become addicted; and the more years he or she smokes, the greater are his or her risks of developing smoking-related diseases.


The Forbidden Stick



Oooooooopppppsssss... Sowi, you can read no further. He he he...

Christmas break 2006

This week marks the end of my hectic schedule, as far as my studies are concerned. No, make that as far as attending classes is concerned. For while it’s true that my professors in all of my subjects decided to give us an early break, they gave us loads of assignment, all to be submitted on the first week of classes next month. Talk about starting the New Year with a bang.

And how about ending 2006 with a loud thump, too? It seems like my professors are in on a conspiracy to make our temporary separation as eventful as possible. How? By giving surprise examinations. My head is still spinning from the tests I went through last week, all of which unannounced. My head would have been empty by now, I having unloaded tons of my precious thoughts and logic onto my test papers, if only I could afford to be empty headed even just for a while. But as it is, I have to save some of my “brain matters” for our magazine pages, which I would be more than happy not to see for a while.

But either I have been a bad girl, or Santa isn’t real, that my simple wish of having a break — I mean, a real break — from both my studies and the magazine is not to be granted. This Christmas break, while I am writing the first chapter of my research in EDRE 231; my critique of Jean Jacques Rousseau’s “The Philosophy of Education” for EDFD 201; and my annotated bibliography, critique on three articles on language education, written report, and 250-item questions for EDL 251; I will also be editing and writing articles for the magazine, and figuring out how I can possibly make our February issue come out on time, despite the long vacation.

So it seems I won't be having any break this Christmas. That is, unless they have changed the definition of the word without me knowing it. Let me go and check.

H&L Team on TV

My team and I watched the DVD copy of our TV guesting on November 24 upon my arrival in the office this morning. I don’t understand but it seems so kaloka watching yourself on the boob tube. My two writers who “guested” with me and I think that we looked and sounded so corny. Ms. Rina, an officemate who will start co-hosting the show next week, said I am telegenic. I think she’s wrong. However, I think I sounded nice, which is actually a surprise for me because I’ve always thought my voice is like a child’s.


Ah, never mind. We might have looked and sounded weird on the show, but TV guesting is one heck of an experience. We enjoyed it so much that when we were asked to go back, we replied, “Sige po, iyeskedyul n’yo lang.” That’s a far cry from our original response of “No way!” when the idea of us guesting on our TV program was first brought up.


//I wonder what my family would say when I bring home the DVD for them to watch this Christmas break, besides condemning me for not telling them I'd be on TV so they could have watched me live. Hmmmm...

The wall decor

“Jing, be careful that you don’t step on the décor,” mother warned, referring to the glass décor she laid on the floor about three meters from where I was playing. “It might break.”

“Ok mom.” I wondered if it would indeed break.

I resumed my playing. But soon, my curiosity as to whether the decor would indeed break if I stepped on it got over me, that I decided to find out if it was true. Making sure mom was still busy cleaning the walls, I sneaked into the décor and stepped onto it, half expecting to hear a cracking sound.

Nothing.

Mom’s lying! I told myself. It didn’t break!

I went back to playing. But then another thought troubled me. Was mom really lying? But why? What if I just did not step on it hard enough?

I went back to the décor to try it one more time.

I stepped onto the forbidden object. One foot first. Nothing happened.

Two feet.

CRRRRRAAAAAAAACCKKKK!


“Oh you! I told you not to go near it.” Mom shrieked.

“Sorry mom.” I said.

She didn’t know it wasn’t for the broken décor but for something else that I was apologizing.

Missing Tayns

Salve and I joked about going places and doing stuff when Tayns has left. We joked about not missing her at all when she’s already in Japan, frying her brains figuring out the pro-forms of the Japanese language. But everything we said to this effect was just that — a joke.

Now, barely two months since she left, we are already missing her… the girl whose smile can brighten up a room.

It’s not easy when one of your best friends is miles away. Our only consolation is that she is there living her dream. It’s not everyday that you get bestowed with a scholarship… by the Japanese embassy, no less.

Makahiya… pretending

I touched the young makahiya (Mimosa pudica L) plant in my mom’s garden and, as expected, its leaves folded. Pleased like a child, I looked for other “victims” to touch. I saw three nearby, which I touched one after the other.

Again, I looked for some more, and there, near the potted peach euphorbia, were two makahiya sprouts. I moved closer and laid my killer touch upon them.

Neither budged. My brows creased. Puzzled, I looked closer. As I examined them I realized they weren’t really makahiya plants… just pretending.

Disappointed, I uprooted the “imposters,” thinking to myself that some people are like those con makahiyas; they are so good at pretending they seem real. So much so that it often needs cunning and takes some time before one can figure their game.

Ah. Why can’t some people just be themselves? Why do they need to pretend to be who they are not?

Sense of belonging...

I blended well. In my jeans. Amazing!

I’m talking about last night. We got invited to Sen. Ed Angara’s book launching. Or, to be technically correct, to the launching of Sen. Angara’s biography written by Nick Joaquin — one of his last works before he died. And to be more correct still, the invitations were actually for our editor-in-chief, Doc Raffy, and contributing editor, Ms. Roselle who wrote the article on Senator Angara for last month’s cover feature. But Doc Raffy is in Chicago and Ms. Roselle is in Singapore.

We were working on tight schedule. Up until last night, I was still writing an article for the magazine. But it was imperative that someone from our team would attend the event. I knew it had to be me and Chie. So we went, an hour late (Geee, they started an hour late, too, so it seemed we arrived just in time. He he.)

It was a political-social event, that much I knew. I had expected many dignitaries to be there. I was not wrong. There were GMA, Sen. Villar, Cong. Joe de V., and many others.

But I was wrong for thinking that I would not feel okay being in a politician-dominated event. I felt alright. In fact, I felt I belonged, despite the facts that I was not properly dressed for the occasion and, more importantly, that I hate politics, and politicians aren’t my favorite hang-out buddies.

Name Game: The Case of the Philippine National Language

Throughout the course of history, the Philippine national language changed its identity, not just once but twice. Originally, it was called “Tagalog.” Then it was renamed “Pilipino.” Now it is known as “Filipino.”

But why the name change? What was achieved by this “name game”? To answer these questions, let us explore the history of our national language.


Prior to 1935 Philippine Constitution

Prior to the promulgation of the 1935 Constitution, the official languages of the Philippines were English and Spanish (both non-Philippine languages). Quite remarkable is the fact that no Philippine language was of official standing — no legal standing in the courts, government transactions, education, commerce, and industry — during this period.


Language provision of the 1935 Philippine Constitution

Article XIII Section 3 (Pasimio, 1991:119)
The National Assembly shall take steps toward the development and adoption of a common language based on one of the existing native languages (emphasis mine). Until otherwise provided by law, English and Spanish shall continue as official languages.

In accordance with the provision on the Constitution, a body was formed “to make a general study of Philippine dialects (languages)1 for the purpose of evolving a common national language based on one of the existing native tongues and to recommend to the president of the Commonwealth (Manuel L. Quezon) its adoption as such” (SIL, 1971). This body was known as the Institute of National Language (INL).

A year after its creation, the INL recommended Tagalog as the basis of the national language from among the languages studied. This recommendation was based on (among other things) number of speakers and periodicals and the status of Tagalog as the language spoken in Manila — the most populous city in the country and the seat of government and major universities.

Studies conducted separately from, some even prior to, that of the INL showed that Tagalog had a great potential of becoming a national language. American linguist, Conant Everett Blake (Philippine literature p.457, 1908) had this to say about the Philippine languages:

Some persons, struck by the great resemblance which the various Philippine languages bear to one another, have thought that it would be possible to fuse these languages into one, but such an artificial scheme is certainly impracticable. If the Filipinos are destined ever to have a national language in which a national literature can be written, that language will most surely be Tagalog, the language of the capital city, a language admirably suited by the richness of form and its great flexibility for literary development, and needing but the master hand of some great native writer to make it realize its latent possibilities.


The Language Provision of the 1943 Philippine Constitution

Though it was claimed that Tagalog was simply the “basis” for the national language, there were manifestations that it was, indeed, the national language. Moreover, the Philippine Constitution under the Japanese government, in an attempt to erase Western influences in the country, named Tagalog as such.

Article IX Section 2 (Pasimio, 1991:156)
The government shall take steps toward the development and promotion of Tagalog which is the national language. (Translation mine. Please see the original Tagalog version in Pasimio, 1991:156 or refer to the footnote.)2


Problems with Tagalog

The choice of Tagalog as the basis of national language did not go unchallenged. In fact, this issue had divided the nation. Critics interpreted it as a form of discrimination against non-Tagalog speakers. Regional groups also contested the claim that Tagalog was the most widely spoken among the Philippine languages. They cited Cebuano as having the most number of speakers, with Tagalog coming only next.

Figures in the 1949 census showed that Cebuano indeed had more native speakers. However, Tagalog had both native and a significant number of nonnative speakers, making it the most widely spoken Philippine language.


Name Change: Tagalog to Pilipino

Realizing the division among ethnolinguistic groups caused by the adoption of Tagalog as national language, the name Tagalog was changed to Pilipino in 1959. However, this name change did not effectively eradicate the ethnolinguistic divide the choice of Tagalog as “basis” for the national language had created. To the contrary, this only heightened the tension. Different groups viewed this change as an attempt to mask the fact that both Tagalog and Pilipino referred to the same living language — Tagalog. Critics insisted that the only difference between Tagalog and Pilipino was sociological.

It then became apparent that more than just a name change was necessary.


Language Provision of the 1973 Philippine Constitution

Article XV Section 3 (Pasimio, 1991:273)
(2) The National Assembly shall take steps toward the development and formal adoption of a common national language to be known as Filipino.
(3) Until otherwise provided by law, English and Pilipino shall be the official languages.

Studying the provision closely, one might say that the Filipino mentioned in the Constitution that was to become the national language was still technically nonexistent and that it was not apparent what the basis of this language would be. Moreover, one might ask what to become of Pilipino, which, from being a national language, was appointed “official language.”

What is this Filipino being referred to? How is it similar to or different from Tagalog and Pilipino?

Even the language experts themselves had opposing views on what Filipino is. Some sectors believed that the Filipino mentioned in the Constitution was the purist Tagalog/Pilipino that was already in use while others believed that this Filipino was still to be created.

Those who believed that Filipino was still nonexistent were further divided into two groups: the group of Dr. Demetrio Quirino and that of Dr. Ernesto Constantino of the University of the Philippines.

Dr. Demetrio Quirino and his group proposed that this Filipino to be created be based on all the existing Philippine languages and that the percentage of contribution from each language be based on the number of speakers. They also proposed that complete amalgamation or mixing of linguistic components—phonology, morphology, syntax, and vocabulary—from these languages be applied and that only 30% of Tagalog elements shall make up the Filipino to be created. The remaining 70% shall come from all the other Philippine languages.

The group of Dr. Constantino, on the other hand, proposed using the universal approach. This approach means that the Filipino to be created shall be based on a national lingua franca plus other languages (multi-based). This is, in part, similar to the Filipino of Dr. Quirino except on the concept of complete amalgamation where the linguistic contribution of each language is determined by the number of speakers.

INL, however, denied the claims of different sectors that the Filipino being spoken of in the Constitution was the purist Tagalog/Pilipino or that it was still to be created. INL claimed that this Filipino was already in existence—that it was the Filipino that was based on Pilipino which, in turn, was based on Tagalog. It is “an evolution of Tagalog, a conglomeration of Philippine and nonnative languages.”

In his analysis of several issues on language development presented as appendix in the SWP 50th anniversary publication (1987), SWP Director Ponciano B.P. Pineda reiterated the institute’s stand against the Filipino proposed by Drs. Quirino and Constantino.

…the following questions arise: How much, and which parts of speech of a particular language should be taken? Must all the peculiarities of the sounds, stresses, and intonations in each language be included? Or must others be sacrificed for the preferred ones? Which of the opposing affixation systems—Tagalog, Cebuano, Ilokano, Pampango, for instance—should be adopted? …

Such kind of language has no root; no speech community to speak of. It has neither rhetoric (n)or idiom; no literature. Filipino born out of this system of language engineering has no culture. It is doomed to fail like Esperanto, Volapuk, and other artificial languages.


The Language Provision of the 1987 Philippine Constitution

Article XIV Section 6: (Pasimio, 1991:409)
The national language of the Philippines is Filipino. As it evolves, it shall be further developed and enriched on the basis of existing Philippine and other languages.

Apparently, the Constitution still had not exactly defined the Filipino which is now the national language of the country. However, the language committee of the Constitutional commission, during one of their sessions (September 10, 1986), made this definition:

“…the nucleus of the Filipino will be Pilipino with the mixture of words from other dialects and said Filipino language has already been existing as lingua franca… Filipino is the expansion of Pilipino and it is the lingua franca that has naturally evolved throughout the country, based on Tagalog and other Philippine languages and foreign languages.”

So what is Filipino? It is the Philippine language whose nucleus is Tagalog, characterized by massive borrowings of lexical items from Philippine and non-Philippine languages. It is different from Tagalog in that it is permeable to foreign words and from Taglish in that it follows the structure of Tagalog, its nucleus. Taglish, according to SWP and Linguistic Society of the Philippines, is merely a “variation” of (spoken) Filipino. [seb/2003]



Footnote

1 Though the words language and dialect are technically different, these terms are used interchangeably in this paper because some of the materials I directly quoted used these terms interchangeably.
2 Ang pamahalaan ay gagawa ng mga hakbanging tungo sa ikauunlad at ikalalaganap ng Tagalog na siyang wikang pambansa. (Pasimio:1991:156)


Bibliography

Books/Published Articles

Espiritu, Clemencia. Language Policies in the Philippines.

Pasimio, Renato R. 1991. The Philippine Constitution (Its Evolution and Development) and Political Science. Metro Manila: National Book Store, Inc.

Summer Institute of Linguistics. 1971. Fifty Most Frequently Asked Questions About the National Language.

Surian ng Wikang Pambansa. 1987. Limampung Taon ng SWP. Manila: SWP.
­

Unpublished Research Work

Benosa, Sherma E. and Mary Kathleen de Fiesta. 1997. Ang Nasyonal Langgwej (A paper submitted to the Department of Linguistics, UP Diliman in partial fulfillment of the requirements of Linguistics 130)


Decrees

Executive Order No. 136. 1937. Proclaiming the National Language of the Philippines Based on the “Tagalog” Language. (Manuel L. Quezon, President of the Philippines, Dated December 30, 1937).

Philippine Commonwealth Act No. 184. 1936. An Act to Establish a National Language Institute and Define its Powers and Duties. (First National Assembly, Special Session, November 30, 1936).


Copyright 2003 Sherma E Benosa

Standardization of Iluko Spelling

I know this entry could get me shot and lambasted, because, for some reason, the topic is quite sensitive. I had considered keeping mum about it — I had thought it’s safer that way — but I eventually decided against staying silent, for to keep quiet when there is something that needs to be said is cowardice and, in some occasions, may be dangerous. As I am not a coward and, more importantly, because zipping up my lips would be an act unbecoming of a naturally talkative and opinionated person like myself, I am finally offering my humble opinion on the subject.

The issue I’m talking about is Iluko Standardization (spelling).

In my socio-linguistics class last semester, I proposed Iluko Standardization (spelling) as the focus of my research. I wanted to evaluate the orthography of different iluko publications, determine their differences, and hopefully recommend, based on some categories I would later design, which of these spelling systems could be used as standard.

By standard, I mean, the form to be adapted in publication and formal written communications. Designating a form as standard does not in any way mean that the other forms are “substandard” or inferior. It only means that the standard form is more widely used or accepted for business transactions and formal communications.

As the issue of spelling in any language is rather “hot,” I did not have a hard time convincing my professor of the merits of the study. And having been given the go signal to work on it, I embarked on researching the existing Iluko publications, with the help of my father. I had even asked Dad to help me set up appointments with the editors, some of whom he personally knew; and I likewise made preliminary arrangements in my schedule, in anticipation of several travels I thought I was going to make (to Regions 1, 2, and CAR) to meet with the editors.

My and my father's preliminary efforts, however, yielded the following information:
· Rimat, which spelled several words differently, had already folded up, enabling Bannawag to maintain its status as the most-read Iluko publication.
· Most, if not all, books published by GUMIL follow Bannawag spelling.
· A bible using Bannawag spelling is under way.
· The papers in NV (I didn’t get to check the Iluko papers in other Iluko-speaking provinces) are published and/or edited by Bannawag-influenced editors.

With this preliminary information, I went back to my professor and told him I needed to change my topic, because it was already a non-issue. I believe that there is already an established Iluko orthography — all but needing formal recognition — and that is Bannawag’s, whether we choose to accept it or not. This is because, where orthography is concerned, it is that form used by the widest circulating publication that prevails.

And while at first I was not quite happy with the situation — quite understandably, I hope — for, after a month of working on my research design, I suddenly found myself without a research problem (as my problem seemed no longer a problem), I think this scenario is actually good for the language, because it means Iluko has come a long way.

As for me, I’ve made another proposal, which luckily was approved outright. And that is, to find how different the Iluko spoken by the NOW generation is to that spoken by their parents and by their grandparents. I’ve noticed that there are forms used by older people that the younger people don’t know about (except those who write in Iluko).*

At first I wanted to do a study of the different forms used in different provinces (dialectal differences) but that is already dialectology, not a socio-linguistic study. Besides, that’s something I can’t finish in three months. Moreover, it would require funding, a lot of help (informants), and time — all of which I don't have at the moment. Sigh!


*[Case in point: My Iluko which, I think, belongs to the now generation (Manang Linda Lingbaoan calls it pop iluko). I find my Iluko very narabaw. This sometimes frustrates the struggling writer in me because I noticed that to many, the mark of a good Iluko work is the use of nauneg or old forms. Old iluko seems elegant. And while I sometimes strive to learn the old forms, the rebel in me resents it. The old form isn’t the Iluko that I grew up with. It’s not the Iluko that I speak. Hence, the moment I write using that form, my writing ceases to reflect me.]

Or may be I just don't have a good grasp of the language — that maybe I am one of those native speakers who somehow are not literate enough to write in their native language?

PUZZLES

PUZZLE 1

It is a six-letter English word, the first three letters of which is the present tense of the next three letters.
Clue: The whole word can be used as a noun, as a verb, or as an adjective.


PUZZLE 2

It is an 11-letter English word.

The first two letters refer to a preposition indicating inclusion, location, or position within limits.

Letters 3 to 5 refer to a three-letter preposition/conjunction.

Letters 6 to 8 refer to a piece of material placed at a door for wiping soiled shoe soles.

Letters 9 to 11 refer to a charged subatomic particle.


PUZZLE 3

It's an 11-letter compound English word.

The meaning of the first word (first five letters) is almost the opposite of that of the second word (letters 6-11). [I used the word ALMOST because the first word in the compound is a verb whereas the second is a noun].

The whole word refers to the person who does the action referred to by the first word without regard for the concept referred to by the second word.

Note: Puzzles are first posted by the author in VF's blog in iluko.com. Puzzle 1 was answered correctly by Mng. Fred Ilac; Mng. Edmund Salvador gave the correct answer for puzzle 2. No one was able to answer puzzle 3.

Iluko "works"

II.

Narimat
Nalawag
Ti isip
Kas karimat
Ken kalawag
Ni Apo init
Narimat
Nalawag
Kas karimat
Ken kalawag
Ti isip.

Ti isip
kas
ti init
kas
ti isip.

Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew:

The economics of marriage
and the society's influence on happiness


The shrew…

She was a woman who knew her mind and enjoyed speaking it out. Meek and submissive, she was neither. Her tongue was good at stringing spiteful words; and her mind, as her tongue, was sharp and not easily matched nor bent.

The 21st century would love her and believe in her. Inspired by her, it would teach its sons to respect and admire her, and its daughters to emulate her. Independent and tough, she would be called, and both words would carry a ring of veneration and amazement to them.

But unfortunate, Katherine likewise was, for she was made to live 400 years much too early — at a time not a bit tolerant of her nature, in a story that is sympathetic of her yet intolerant of her ways.

She was an outcast of the society she despised. Everyone likeneed her to an animal to be tamed; and people referred to her as a shrew, and was invariably described as “too rough” (I.i.55) and “stark mad” (I.i.69).

Yet, in retrospect, she might simply be misunderstood by everyone around her — her father who seemed to love her sister more, and the less-witted men that surrounded her.


… and the tamer…

Had he lived today, when the two sexes are viewed as different but equal, he would be deemed egotistical and portentous. A man to be revered, he was not — now, or 400 years ago — with his crass behavior and overbearing attitude, and his not-quite-honorable intentions: first, to marry a wealthy woman to augment his inheritance:

Signor Hortensio, ‘twixt such friends as we
Few words suffice; and therefore, if thou know
One rich enough to be Petruccio’s wife—
As wealth is burden of my wooing dance—
Be she as foul as was Florentius’ love,
As old as Sibyl, and as curst and shrewd
As Socrates’ Xanthippe or a worse,
She moves me not—or not removes at least
Affection’s edge in me, were she as rough
As are the swelling Adriatic seas.
I come to wive it wealthily in Padua;
If wealthily, then happily in Padua.
(I.ii.62–73)


then, somehow challenged by reports of the rich man’s daughter’s (Katherine’s) shrewish behavior, to tame her and turn her to a suitable wife.

Katherine: If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
Petruccio: My remedy is then to pluck it out.

Quick-witted he was though, and that proved to be enough to make Katherine submit to his will.


… together…

Their first meeting was hostile, as was the norm with Katherine; and soon they engaged in verbal duel:

Petruccio: Come, come, you wasp, i’faith you are too angry.
Katherine: If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
Petruccio: My remedy is then to pluck it out.
Katherine: Ay, if the fool could find where it lies.
Petruccio: Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail.
Katherine: In his tongue.
Petruccio: Whose tongue?
Katherine: Yours, if you talk of tales, and so farewell.
Petruccio: What, with my tongue in your tail?
(II.i.207–214)

with Katherine throwing insult after insult, and Petruccio turning each of her slurs into sexual innuendo which frustrated her and, at the same time, somehow won her over; or at least, silenced her.


…in a story that made me roar with laughter…

Using a frame within a frame* that consisted of a plot (Katherine and Petruccio) and a subplot (Bianca and Lucentio), the story examines marriage, emphasizing on its economic aspects (how economic factors influences who marries whom); and on the tremendous influence the society has over one’s happiness (how happiness is dependent on everyone playing his or her prescribed role).

Performed on stage**, Petruccio’s way of taming Katherine — showing up late and horribly dressed for their wedding; turning everything against Katherine’s will, ironically, under pretense of concern for her wellbeing; making Katherine agree with everything he said even if she believed otherwise (e.g., making Katherine say that the sun was really the moon); and showing her beautiful dresses but denying her the chance to own them, telling her they weren’t good enough for her — are hilarious. So are the wooing scenes between Bianca and Lutencio.


…while being so confused…

The language of the story is such a challenge to understand, but far challenging to comprehend are some crucial points. What happened to the Christopher Sly frame? Why did Katherine, intelligent and rapier-tongued, uncharacteristically fall silent when Petruccio arrogantly forced her to give her consent to marry him? Was it because he proved he was her equal in wit and in verbal skills? Or was it for something deeper, such as, she had recognized he was her only chance of ever being married?

But if that was so, why then, after the marriage, did she allow herself be treated brutally, giving only the slightest of objections? And finally, how could she have been transformed so easily? Or had she been really?


… then, somehow a little enlightened, laughed no more.

As the story came to an end — with Katherine suddenly becoming well tamed and proper, while her sister turned into a shrew; and, more importantly, with the understanding of just how much influence the society had over one’s life and happiness coming down to mind — the laughter just died down, especially when Katherine gave her sister a piece of her mind:

Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign, one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe,
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience,
Too little payment for so great a debt.
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband’s foot,
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready, may it do him ease.

Hearing her speech, I was so stunned, that soon I found myself thinking: “Poor Katherine, she did not at all have a choice." She knew she had to be transformed somehow if she wanted to gain acceptance to the society she despised.

But if indeed she was transformed, then she was a broken woman, because the very essence of who she was — intelligent, independent, and not easily swayed — was destroyed. But if she was just playing along with her husband, having realized that it was the only way she could get what she wanted, she was broken still, for she had locked away her true self, never to resurrect it again.



* Main frame is the Christopher Sly frame. Sly was a tinker who became a subject of a nobleman’s cruel joke. The second frame is the main story, which consists of a plot (Katherine and Petruccio) and a subplot (Bianca and Lucentio).

** The production of The Taming of the Shrew that I saw was that of the Repertory Philippines in 2005 at Greenbelt One.

Lost in the game...

I dreamt I joined a game the rule of which I did not know — a game which, I later found out, was designed to get me — and idiot as I was, I was participating in it willingly… gingerly.

I thought everything was so unfair. But I told myself it was ok; some people could really be so mean. But what I found to be unacceptable was that I was given a partner who vowed to protect me — and he did so by telling me to take care — but deciding against telling me what exactly to watch out for... until it was too late.

Then I woke up, and found the sun was already up. I peeped out of my window. Ah, the storm has passed...

Intro to "Our Responses"

Trials and challenges are what define life, and our responses to them are what define who and what we are. We can fight, and in so doing, we may get scathed, but eventually come out triumphant. Or we may lose, and go home licking our wounds; head bowed and shoulders stooped, wondering how the world could have fallen upon us.

But failure may also be a blessing in disguise. With determination strong enough to try to beat the odds one more time, and a heart in the right place, why, we may be able to stage a comeback in the end. And when that happens, the taste of success might even be sweeter than if we had not first tasted the bitterness of defeat.

For defeat never tasted sweet nor smelled good. It is so bitter that it can send a lot of people wallowing in despair. But still, its bad taste can wane with time; even the darkness of the night surrenders to the light of the sun — when it’s time.

Sooner or later, acceptance will come to our hearts — acceptance of the things that are beyond us, of the things that we cannot change. Then we will begin to see light again. We will dare hope again. And who knows, we may again be able to meet our share of trials and challenges head on, and come home scathed, but with a glitter of triumph in our eyes and a trace of smile upon our lips.


/My introduction to my reading program which I entitled, “Our Responses,” a book-type collection of poems, narratives, short stories, and plays consisting of four chapters. Each chapter consists of 2 poems, 2 narratives, 2 short stories, and 2 plays falling under a certain theme. At the end of every selection in the first chapter is a lesson plan, which includes grammar lessons, teaching strategies and comprehension and discussion questions, among others. The selections were taken from various sources: magazines, local and foreign books and the internet. I’ve read more than 200 articles in the past three months, and chose only 28 for inclusion in the project. The other four materials are mine, all unpublished.

The selection of the materials I included in my reading program is based on how I think we respond to the adversities that come our way. I am of the opinion that there are two ways we respond to trials and challenges: either fight or give in. If we fight, we may either win or lose. But if we choose to give in, we will definitely lose. And having lost, we may wallow in misery forever, or we may eventually come to accept what had been dealt us, and ultimately feel strong enough to give it a try one more time.

Chapter one of the project talks of triumph; chapter two talks of succumbing; chapter three talks of acceptance, and chapter four talks of bouncing back from our loss.

The project is one of the requirements in one of my subjects. I am now in the final stages of the project. I think I'd be able to finish it this week — I should, because I'm on the verge of going crazy. I mean, crazier that usual...

Learning to splash! (almost too late)

I think I may now add a new hobby to my rather short list — swimming.

You figured it right. I used not to swim; or rather, I used not to know how to swim. And that explains why I am (was) not easily tempted by the sight of pools and beaches to strip down to my swim suit. (Come to think of it, I don’t even own a single piece of swimsuit! That may change soon. Haha!)

I had not really thought of learning how to swim. But our brief excursion to Laguna last weekend (Chie, Manong Ricco, Ellen, Jing, Ryan and myself) included swimming in the itinerary. And Chie, a very good swimmer (she swims so well and loves the waters so much that we call her Sirena), was annoyingly persuasive that she got Ellen, also a non-swimmer, and me into the pool. And still not happy with our gliding nor impressed with my try-hard "ballet"-on-water performance, she persuaded us to learn how to swim properly (not like Manong Ricco and Ryan who can swim but can’t really swim, if you know what I mean). She was so persuasive, and deep within me I had also wished I could swim, so I relented. So did Ellen.

I had had several close calls during beach outings in my much-younger days, that’s why I was not so keen to learn to swim. Plus, I’ve always feared I’d simply frustrate my trainer, because I had thought I had low aptitude in the kinesthetic department. But apparently, I had underestimated myself too much. Two one-hour sessions (first was in Laguna, and second was at the Hyatt Casino and Hotel last night) and I learned! I can’t help being pleased with myself. How can I not? I’m twenty-eight years old and I just learned how to swim. Kaloka, di ba? Now, I sort of feel I’ve missed out on some things. Like swimming.

I was so excited last night that getting an apartment with a pool had crossed my mind, but finances are low, so that’s already out of the question. But then, I sometimes get invitations from hotels to try out their facilities and, according to Chie, we can use our boss’ membership in one or two of the hotels nearby, so may be I’ll be able to have more practice. Of course, another option is our (the gang) plan to have outings at least once a month, preferably after every mag issue. This we had thought of doing, when we realized during our excursion that a one-day outing can de-stress us effectively.

So there are a lot of avenues for practice there. But first, I'll have to see if I can show off my “swimming prowess” in Palawan (I’ll be there on the 13th through 18th). I’m sure Celestine will be shocked at what she’ll see.

Hah!

Metamorphosis

Butterfly becomes me...



/Photo taken at the Hill Spa, Laguna.

Unquotables 1

Ripped off my blog in Iluko.com
“MuZings and WhatEvs”
I’ve had some fun in iluko.com, mainly because I have a very willing prey there: VF (Virtual Friend). I’m transplanting some of my postings there just to see if I can also bully him here. [Kidding aside, I think it's about time that I index some of my good (meaning, "wicked") postings.]


"If Mother Nature thought that giving me VF to prey upon is an act of correcting her mistakes, then it only reinforces what I’ve known about her all along: that her sense of humor appeals to no one but herself.

Still, she may try [to humor herself further], but such action I will classify as unpardonable; and its consequences, I dare say, shall be terrible.

For it is not up to Mother Nature to decide whom I should bully; for my reasons (there are many, and they vary from one prey to another) for doing so are beyond her realm. VF is mine to bully; and it is by choice (mine!), not as a consequence of Mother Nature’s inefficiency."

Sherma E. Benosa 6/18/2006 10:55:42 PM
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Answer to VF’s posting which read: “It's Nature who led you to make that decision."

"That’s where you are gravely wrong VF, accusing Mother Nature of an act she didn’t commit and, worse, failing to acknowledge that I am no executor of Mother Nature’s designs.

I am the architect of my actions. The blueprints, I myself drew; the edifices, I alone built. That, my friend, is how I earned the right to live in them."

Sherma E. Benosa 6/19/2006 6:40:44 AM
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Among the weaklings, Mother Nature is supreme. But with me, she is helpless. And because of me, she is in stark sadness. Her wrath? Ow, never mind!

Even Mother Nature has a waterloo. And that is what I am to her. Upon me, she cannot apply the laws with which she enthralls mankind. Sorry VF. But where I am concerned, that thing Mother Nature contrived — E=mc² — is meaningless.

Find help elsewhere.

Sherma E. Benosa 6/19/2006 7:48:35 AM
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Your posts are like steroids injected into my veins. The moment they enter my system, adrenaline starts kicking in and wicked thoughts start floating in my mind, sending my hands to whack the computer keys and my lips to curl up in a wicked smile.

Then as I click the submit button I laugh out loud, imagining you reading them; your face contorted, and your lips smirking (your smirk being a combination of suppressed laughter and shock). Then I would see you busy your hands with your keyboard as you squeeze your mind for a witty comeback….

… but type words that spell defeat — YOUR defeat — instead. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Sherma E. Benosa 6/21/2006 3:31:16 AM

That inconspicuous place...

... I call home

For those who do not have a province to go home to, as well as those who have but: 1) can't go home yet or 2) no longer have any reason to go home (either because of bad memories or because there are no more loved ones there to go home to), let me give you a peek of that little known but very lovely place I call home: Nueva Vizcaya.

Both photos show parts of Abinganan, Bambang, Nueva Vizcaya (my father's home barrio). It is here where my grandparents lived; and where my brothers, cousins and I spent our summers together — swimming in fish ponds and rivers, chasing butterflies and spiders, climbing trees, and doing other things only true-blue barrio-raised kids can relate to.

Thoughts on parenting (by a nonparent)

With the birth of his son whom he named after himself (kaloka!), my youngest brother is now a father. Here are three things I want to tell him about kids and parenting:

1. Kids don’t come with a manual. A handbook or anything that would tell the parents the features of a kid model, including how it is better than, similar to, or different from the other models would certainly be a great help. But kids are not — and will never be — like the craze gadgets we splurge our budgets on. With them, we grope around trial-and-error; and where they are concerned, we falter even in the company of the tried and tested.

2. When it comes to parenting, the saying “the heat that hardens the egg melts the butter” becomes so true. Yup! Not only do kids refuse to carry with them that thing parents need the most — handbook on the proper way to “operate” them — but they also make their parents’ work extra-difficult by bringing with them their built-in idiosyncrasies which are the parents’ task to discover and to learn to deal with. Thus, parenting will never be a fit-all commodity; what worked for one kid may not work for another.

3. Good luck! You can do it. Hehehe


//P.S. Born on the fourth of July this year, Lucky Ryan Benosa, Jr. (or II), is the newest addition to our growing family. This guy is quite powerful; he has made every member of the family travel to Mallig, Isabela and back home many times just to have a peek on him. Hay! (We now have lots of pics of him, but they are for private viewing only. The kid is not yet one year old; he can't yet tell me if he'd allow me to post his pic here. Maybe next year. Hehe)

I don't know what you'd call it, but he also made my brother and Sheryll, as well as Tatang (sige na nga, pati ako) very inggit! Hahaha!

The blog writer

Blog writer. That’s the title I’ve ascribed to myself since I realized late last year that it takes me far less time to write something for my blog than to write my articles for H&L or my written requirements for school. (Writing a short story or a poem likewise doesn’t take long; but I have to be in a special, indescribable kind of mood to be able to write either, so neither counts in this discussion.)

I’ve always wondered why that is so, and the reason I’ve thought of so far is that writing a blog is like talking to oneself or to a friend; whereas, writing a journalistic piece or an academic paper is like talking to a stranger; or worse, addressing an unfriendly congregation.

When you talk to a friend, there is no inhibition and your mood is quite relaxed. You say whatever you like in any manner that suits you, as long as it doesn’t offend your friend (friends don’t easily take offense, so no problem here). You are yourself; you have no problem letting down your guard, for with friends, there’s no need for pretense.

That’s how I feel whenever I write an entry for my blog. As you may have noticed, the writing style I’ve adapted here — the choice of words and turn of sentences — is quite informal (except, of course, those pieces I posted which were originally written for other purposes/media). Unlike in a journalistic/academic piece, there is no pressure for me to write elegant sentences nor to use standard grammar (international English usage, or standard Philippine English) in my blog. That means I need not think of the English equivalent of some non-English forms because I can use whichever form that readily comes to mind (Iluko or Filipino). What’s more, in my blog, I can invent words and even deliberately misuse (bastardize) a word to suit my purpose (or rather, whims). And the tone! Haha! I can be serious one moment, absurd the next, then turn funny, then be serious again. Ain’t that great?

Another thing I like about writing a blog is that I need not pretend I know a lot of things. I can say I don’t know this or that without worrying that my readers might think I am stupid (I don’t really care because I know I’m not, he he). Whereas, when I write for the magazine, I need to always be sure that I got my facts straight, that my sources are credible, and that I had not misquoted anyone, in addition to being cautious with my writing style — I cannot be too “lifestylish” when I’m writing a health/medical article, nor too structured when I am writing a lifestyle piece.

Writing an academic paper also has its own pressure. For instance, I need to sound like I know my subject and/or that I’ve evaluated the opposing views on the subject at hand and then be able to convince my readers that the stand I’ve taken is the logical one, in addition to being very careful with the words I use, as well as with my syntax.

Given all the pressures that come with the other types of writing that I do, how could I not enjoy writing my blog entries?

But if you have thought that the things I’ve written so far are the reasons that I enjoy writing entries for my blog more than I enjoy other forms of writing, then let me tell you this: you are wrong. I have not been completely honest. To tell you the truth, it’s not the pressures that come with academic and journalistic writing as opposed to the ease of blog writing that makes me prefer the latter to the former. It is really the freedom I enjoy — the freedom to paint the caricature selves of the people I care about through words — that is fueling my zeal to write entry after entry.

So you see, it all boils down to my top pastime — bullying. Why not? I’m suppose to be wicked here, remember? I’m just being my bully self. That’s what I do around friends, di ba?

A tour to remember (Part 1)

It wasn’t in our plans. In fact, it was for something else — a book launching cum poetry reading — that we were at La Salle Taft last Saturday. But we arrived very late for the event so we decided to go elsewhere after lunch and tête á tête with the author (para naman hindi sayang ang lakad at porma namin, hehe).

So, despite the indicisive weather, Salve, Tayns and I retraced some periods of Philippine history with only my digi-cam and Tayns’ phone-cam — in our high-heeled shoes (semi for Tayns) — and went home fatigued and with calloused feet, but in high spirits.

The destination? Luneta and its neighboring areas. Yup, that very same place young people (including myself when I was much younger) regard as the place to-be for the jologs; and conversely, the must-avoid place for the cool, young ones.

(Good thing I eventually realized that Luneta (and its neighboring areas) is not at all jologs; that in fact, it is a historical place whose significance had not been diminished through the years.)

Here are some of the places we visited (plus some historical trivia, personal commentary, side-comments and what-evs).


The National Museum
Entrance Fee: P100 (free on Sundays)
Cameras not allowed inside

The National Museum houses artifacts recovered from ship wreckages; among them, the San Diego. The finds at the said shipwreck are said to have provided proofs that before the coming of the Spaniards, there had been an active trade between the Philippines and its neighboring countries.

Also at the national museum are artifacts that serve as proofs that the early Filipinos were seafarers. The theory (that our ancestors might have been seafarers) was made long before physical proofs to support or disprove it were unearthed, and basing mainly on the fact that the country is surrounded by significant bodies of water.

There are a lot more to see at the museum, such as artifacts that give us a glimpse of the life of the early Filipinos (suits, accessories, implements, and so on), and works of art, such as paintings and sculptures.


The Orchidarium
Located within Luneta Park
Entrance fee: P20

“Misnamed” was our first impression of this garden. It was so green, and it even had a falls and climbing wall; but it was colorful orchids we had expected to see. Unluckily, besides the bamboo orchid near the entrance, we did not see any.

Still, the place is worth seeing.


Japanese Garden/Chinese Garden
Located within Luneta park
Entrance fee: P5

The Japanese Garden and the one next to it — The Chinese Garden — have been sitting here for decades, but it seems no one knew of their existence (It was only when our magazine featured them last year that I got to know of them). These places are a perfect respite for tired and weary souls, for despite the fact that a busy road is nearby, thick canopy of old trees muffles the sound of the roaring vehicles.

Japanese symbol. This marker, according to Celestine and Salve, is a symbol that a Japanese temple is nearby (except here, of course). I can easily check out the veracity of their claim, but as they had been sent to Japan to study Japanese language and culture (Salve as exchange student; and Tayns as Japanese embassy scholar), I just have to trust that they are right about it.

A tour to remember (Part 2)

Rizal Monument and more
Kilometer Zero

Dr. Jose Rizal. Call me whatever you like, but it was only last Saturday that I learned why the Rizal shrine is well guarded. Silly me, but I had always thought it is to show respect to the great martyr; until Salve told Tayns and me that it is the three gold stars (which, according to her, stands for Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao) engraved on the monument that they are guarding.

La Madre Filipina. This piece of stone is personally significant to me because my Tatang and I spent quite a long time here last summer, trying to interpret it. And it was somewhere between this monument and the one next to it — Binhi ng Kalayaan monument — that I realized I was falling for him. Waaaaa!



The sentinel of freedom (or simply Lapu-lapu) monument. Inaugurated on February 5, 2004, this piece of stone is a recent addition at the park.


Calesa ride. Your tour around the historic city will not be complete if you don’t try the calesa ride. The three of us think that it’s one of the highlights of our impromptu tour.

Intramuros

The walled city. Intramuros served as the political, educational, religious and cultural center of the Spanish government. Today, the historical buildings in the area have been turned into government offices.

Palacio de Governador. The oldest palace in the country.

A tour to remember (Part 3)

Fort Santiago

Named in honor of Spain’s patron saint James, Slayer of Moors (Santiago Matamoros), Fort Santiago served as the military headquarters of our conquerors (Spanish, British, American and Japanese). Hundreds of men and women were jailed, tortured and executed here. It was also at Fort Santiago that Dr. Jose Rizal was imprisoned from November 3 1896 until his execution on December 30 of that year.

Me and Tatang. I mean, me talking to “Tatang” on the phone. Salve aimed the camera at me, and I said to Tatang, “Salve’s gonna take a photo of us. Pose ka ha? Say “cheese!” Hehehe

Losing it (my poise, that is). My sandals got so irritated with me walking on them, they rebelled against me; so I carried them for a change, while Salve and Celestine traced Rizal’s footsteps.

Jose Rizal’s cell. It was here where the national hero stayed until the morning of December 30, 1896 when he was brought out, and made to march to Bagumbayan (Luneta) … towards death. The brass shoeprints trace the path Rizal took when he walked to his execution site.

------
P.S. Hey folks! Learn from our mistake. If you intend to visit the areas we’ve toured, I suggest you go to Fort Santiago first. From there, go to Luneta, and watch a light show of Jose Rizal’s execution. We did our tour backwards. Kaloka!

The arrogance of “old age”

When my “Tatang” (not my Dad) saw a picture of me and my team, he said he would no longer read our mag because “the team is so young.” He ranted that young people don’t know much about life; hence, they don’t have much to write about. He demanded in Iluko, “Why would I read what you guys write? Reading your magazine is a waste of my time! Tell me, what do you know about life?”

Anyone who knows me would have expected me to come up with a witty comeback, and maybe, even tell my “Tatang” to get lost. But either I wasn’t myself then, or I was simply in a jovial mood, that I merely laughed at my “Tatang’s” comment; the thought of defending my team did not even cross my mind.

But then, after he had hung up and the laughter had died down, I thought I should have risen up to the challenge. Anyway, with him, I can say anything and he will just laugh it off. In fact, come to think of it, he might have even expected (or hoped?) to hear a piece of my mind about the “issue” at hand; as it was so obvious then that he was trying to “provoke” me.

It’s not yet late though. What I failed to say over the phone, I can always write in my blog, as he visits it regularly, anyway.

And what is it that I wish I should have told him?

That I think his comment reflects the arrogance of old age; that some “oldies” simply tend to underestimate what the youth are capable of, forgetting the fact that they themselves were young once; and it was in fact when they were much younger that they were most productive, and when their thinking was the sharpest.

I still have a lot of things to say on the issue, but I prefer to “resolve” them on the phone. Lagot siya kapag…

“Kring… Kring…”

Ooooooppppsss! Excuse me, folks! Hehehehehe


Caption: Me and my team: Ellen, SEB, Manong Ricco and Chie. Not in photo, Ryan

Your footsteps, my guide

Your footsteps, I had them to guide me through,
Upon them, through them, Father, I saw
The road you took, hard and long; your progress, slow
Grueling was your journey; that I now know.

Up to the crossroads, your footsteps took me, Father
And I noticed, such a long time thy footsteps spent there
They found it hard to decide which way to proceed
Would it be left or right; or how about straight ahead?

They took the left path, their steps tentative; then up ahead
A screech I heard; as a sharp break then a U-turn they made
Then to the crossroad, slowly they made their way back
contemplating, hoping, that better would be the right path.

So the right trail, after much thought, they decided to try
There was so much to see there, so much to find
But soon they realized, the path was leading them
Nowhere near where they stored their dream.

To go back and try the other way was the right thing to do,
they thought; but it was already too late to do so, they knew
So instead they moved forward, trying to find the good thing
upon them, the journey that they pursued, could bring.

I know, thy footsteps faltered several times; I did hear their cries
Stumbling, I heard them groan; and those sounds are their sighs.
But proud I am to see they continued with their trek, still
Inch by inch they moved; now to the finish line, they’re near.

Right there are your footsteps now; Oh, I see them clearly
Still moving onward, though now, rather more slowly
Seeing that plateau they’ve reached; please let me tell thee
The road they’ve taken was tough, but tougher are they, Daddy.

Just look at the humps they’ve had to pass through along the way
Not tripping over those monsters, good at dodging they must be, I say
The good maneuvers they’ve done; the curves they’ve straightened
Oh, for those who might follow thee, the road they’ve smoothened.

That journey of yours, I know it’s not easy, Daddy
But look where your small steps brought you and me
The tears you shed, the beads of sweat you let drop
Please know, Father, that they won’t be for naught.

And now, at that very same crossroad you once crossed, I stand
Trying to decide which way to take; please do understand
The path you chose I might not take; that you know, don’t you Daddy?
Still, I ask thee to bless me; that fruitful may my journey be.

Worry not now, your footsteps brought me this far
Upon them, through them, much I did gather
The road might be hard and long; and my progress, slow
This journey could be grueling; all these, I know.


For my father, my guide, my hero Manuel D. Benosa, Sr.
[Sherma E. Benosa, in my chamber; July 12, 2006; 11:40pm]

GUMIL MM meeting and more

I was invited to a meeting of GUMIL MM last Sunday, ironically, by still-would-be member of the organization, Jake Ilac, who was — and I suppose, still is — a member of GUMIL Lasam. (Thanks, Jake!)

Though the invitation was short notice (Jake “texted” me the day before, but it was only on Sunday am that I got to reply to him, and find out about the meeting), I still managed to haul myself to that place called “Bagong Silang” where the meeting took place. (Kaloka, Ang layo pala! But mind you, I even got there ahead of some folks! Hah!)

It was when I was already with the group that I realized it had been more than a year since the last time I attended a GUMIL meeting. But still, the welcome was very warm. It seemed like it was only a session, not many, that I missed. The Manongs are so fun to be with that I always enjoy being with them; never mind that it usually takes us at least 4 hours to discuss what normally could be tackled in a little more than an hour. I simply find “hanging out” with them a relaxing diversion to my otherwise hectic life.

And my day, which I envisioned to be a lazy one before I received Jake’s SMS, turned out to be quite fruitful. Not only was I able to talk to Manong Cles about the research I’m planning to do for my socio-linguistics class, but I also learned a few things from the meeting. And more than that, there was an issue discussed which I am particularly interested in — literary workshop, the very thing I need. You see, I have yet to attend such a workshop. And knowing that most, if not all, of the good writers went through that phase, I also want to subject myself and my writings to such exercise so that I may improve as a “writer.”

At the moment, I don’t consider myself a full-fledge writer because I have yet to write that piece I’d be very proud to call my creation. And I know attending workshops would be a great help. As one of my writer-friends lately realized: there are writing styles that are good, and there are styles that are simply captivating. I suppose my pieces could pass as good; but “good” will never be good enough for me nor for anyone who wants to be serious with his craft; in my humble opinion.

So I am looking forward to attending a workshop in the future. And when that happens, I would not pass up the chance to learn a thing or two from each of the icons of Iluko literature who so unselfishly offer their talents.

No sirs, Her Royal Wickedness, the great unknown and still-to-be-honed Ms. Sherma Espino Benosa — the author of this rubbish you are reading (nyehehe) and the force to reckon with on this web page you’ve mistakenly stumbled into and would not want to visit again, ever — would never say no to being “workshopped” by the likes of Johnny Hidalgo, Cles Rambaud, Noli Dumlao, Ariel Tabag, Prodie Gar Padios, Herman Tabin, and Linda Lingbaoan, among others. Wicked Angel she may be, but she knows better than ignore such a good offer from the powers that be in Philippine (Iluko) literature.

Wanna join, folks?

Photo captions (Top-bottom): Members and officers of GUMIL MM (not in photo, Ariel Tabag and SEB who were taking photos); Again, officers and members of GUMIL MM (sans Manong Cles who took the photo.

Me, a fashion model? Nah!

Funny, but after the perfunctory questions during introductions have been asked and answered, there is another question — a rather odd one, I must add — that is often thrown my way: “Are you a fashion model?” to which I often reply: “I wish.”

I find the question somewhat odd because, other than the cheeckbone, the jaw and the at-times-naughty, at-other-times-playful hazel eyes, there is nothing else that’s atypical in my facial features. In fact, I am aware that the word beautiful is seldom used (if ever) to describe me physically. Proofs: (1) I don’t get much of a second glance from the opposite sex (okay, just enough), which means I don’t quite pass most guys’ beauty-meter; and (2) my very own mother WOULD NOT say I am goodlooking even at gun point. Ouch!

So why does the question keep popping? In fact, I’ve been called FM (no, not Ferdie Marcos, silly!) in almost all of the companies I joined.

Cheryl, a former officemate, says it’s the body structure. She says mine is much like those of the girls we often see a-strutting on the catwalk. I would have rejoiced upon hearing her comment, if only a ridiculous word didn’t immediately pop into my mind: A-n-o-r-e-x-i-c; and if I didn’t readily realize the implication of her statement: that I am not well endowed — a harsh predicament for a woman to be in at this time and age. Tsk!

Other friends say it’s the way I dress and move. They say my cadence is rhythmic and somewhat measured; and my facial stance and body movement, elegant. Again, their remarks would have warmed my heart, if only they didn’t soon subject me to mimic-Sherma’s-body-movement-and-walk game, where my walk was depicted as somewhat resembling that of a duck parading downtown.

I suppose my height may also be a factor. At five-four, I am quite tall for a Filipina, but then that’s not tall enough to be a fashion model.

So what could it be?

Oh, what the heck! Why do I care about the reasons I get to be asked that silly question when my standard reply isn’t that difficult naman to utter. And it’s not as if the question irritates me.

But really, why kaya? Hehehe

"Yaya" sisterhood

Salve and I played surrogate mothers to three kids last weekend (two of which are her pamangkins while the third is our inaanak) and guess what we had to go through: kids wanting to pee just as Superman was being assaulted (read: climax). Not only that, we went home kinda broke!

But what the heck. We enjoyed every second of that experience. Am sure Celestine was very inggit, her purported pantal and all. Hah!

Caption: Superman and the super(kulit) kids

What part-time?

Whew! Life’s been so hectic these past days because of the adjustments in school that I needed to make. I had thought that with my “semi-employment,” I’d have a lot more time for myself. But then I realized, while my load is technically normal for a part-time student, I have to put in 3 units more than the load of a fulltime student (and that’s twice the normal load of a part timer), if I want to complete my INCs — and I have to, because this semester’s my last chance to do that.

Whew! My sched’s in limbo again!

And that means I may not be able to write nonsensical stuff for a while, because I need to concentrate on my academic research works. To think that writing good-for-nothing articles is what I'm really good at. Kaloka!

Pen, un-resting

Slumber shamelessly enticed and beckoned
and my pen, tired from scuffle, succumbed.
In the abyss of dreamlessness she lodged
frozen, lying there totally unperturbed.

Precious solitude, my pen found in the chamber;
Wailing, none was heard; not a single whimper.
But in there too, was a whole army of rust
Nourishing my pen with its scrumptious crust.

The quietude of the chamber, my pen found
it safe; its silence, she deemed profound.
The quandary of wakefulness, she now abhorred
This new life she’d found, she so adored.

But alas, the sun just won’t let it be
“Rest,” he told my pen, “is dangerous to thee.”
Slumber moved aside, its anch’rage now gone;
The treacherous moon had sold my pen to the sun

whose bright rays hugged my pen, his goddaughter.
“Please darling, no more crumpled paper,” he coaxed her.
“No more broken lines, nor reverence for gloom
For my sunrise and sunset are now yours to write on.”

My pen nodded; smile slowly brightening her face
as she pirouetted round and round the blank page
whereupon dots of sorrow vanished and waves of spasm
painted themselves bright; Ah, gone is the chasm.



For my Dungngo, my Sun.

© Sherma Espino Benosa
[June 25, 2006 3:36 am; in my “chamber”]

Mother Nature’s pathetic joke

Either Mother Nature was in a sour mood or that her being a pathetic joker took over her better judgment on the day she chose and mixed the ingredients of her experimental specialty that was me, that she made such a terrible, irreversible mistake for which I will never forgive her: She poured her concoction into the mold she used for my father! So I came out not only looking like my dad, but also exhibiting one of the characteristics that so define him: inability to differentiate the lower from the upper “DO.”

Needless to say, Mother Nature’s product was such a letdown that, when I saw it and I have thoroughly read the manual that came with it, I was so annoyed with her I challenged her to resign from her post, and threatened to sue her. And I would have, had she didn’t have the decency to apologize and to offer to make up for her despicable, tasteless joke. Her making me somewhat like a female version of my Dad, I considered a tremendous slight upon my person, and so I demanded something grand as payment — paper for a playground, pen for a toy, and words for playmates.

So that is how it came to be that, like my father, I also play hide-and-seek with words; and, more important, that I am Daddy’s girl.

Oh well, what can I do? I am his unica hija; his wicked princess. The better looking version of himself. Ha ha!

(This is dedicated to my best friend — my ever understanding, loving and supportive father, Mr. Manuel Domingo Benosa. I love him so much, that’s why I have bestowed upon him the highest honor he could ever hope for in this life. Yes, friends, I named him the recipient of my bullying in its worst form. Hehehe!)

Teaser for my photoessay

If a picture could paint a thousand words, what would you get if you put together ten pictures and a captivating prose?

That's right. An enchanting story.

That's the project I am working on as a gift for my "dungngo" who very badly needs sunset. Right now, I am still in the process of collecting my materials and am also waiting for the words to whisper their names to my pen. It might take me years to finish it, but I am patient. After all, the irksome word "rush" never appears alongside "art" in a sentence, unless a negator is also present.

Dr. O's verdict

1.25 for me.

Damn!

I know, I know! A grade of 1.25 should not be so awful. But when you know that a non-deserving soul got 1.0, it is.

Hah... biatch!

The music of Conroy's pen

Last weekend, I almost learned to love poetry.

And it was by reading a narrative: Pat Conroy’s “The Prince of Tides.”

The book had been sitting idly in my bookshelf for more than a year before I decided to scan it for lack of interesting thing to do. Its title failed to suggest a captivating read so that if I had other options besides the classics I have lined up for myself, I would not have spared it a single glance, much less touch it. But as it was, the only books in my possession that remain unread are “oldies” so I decided to make do with it. Better that than have Mr. Boredom for company for a whole weekend.

Or so I thought.

The first sentence of the novel was so powerful it made me read on and on and, before I knew it, I was already hooked. Pat Conroy is a master storyteller; his sentences, a fusion of prose and poetry. Never in my rather bookworm life had I read a novel so melodious that, in more than one occasion, I’ve caught myself wondering if it was indeed prose, not poetry, that I was reading.

And the plot — intricate yet craftily woven. A story of a grotesque past, the novel presents how times of yore shape the future. And more important, how it is possible that sometimes, the only way to move forward is to re-trace one’s footsteps; and how healing could be had by coming to terms with the things we’d rather commit to non-remembrance.

For these reasons, I think I’d soon add works bearing the music of Conroy’s pen to my list of must-reads.

Parting shots

I read a story early this year about a man who staged a mock funeral for himself by gathering his family and friends and asking them to say their eulogies for him because he wanted to hear what they would say in his actual funeral.

That is a bit morbid a scenario, but that’s what actually inspired me to write how I would remember my officemates — past and present — when the time for us to part ways (to pursue different directions) comes.

Here we go:

Elaine. Despite all the nice things that Elaine is, I will always remember her as the girl who pretended to be sweet and tahimik during her first 6 weeks in the company. So unsociable she was then that Kiko, Patsy and I often wondered about whether or not her being quiet was for real. And taking into consideration what she turned out to be when she finally decided to peel off her layers — a big bully — I could not help but be glad and sorry at the same time. Glad that I won the wager (I betted that she was just pretending) and sorry because I was one of those whom she chose to (try to) bully.

Patsy. The reigning editorial mascot when I arrived at FAME, Patsy’s “coveted” title may now go either to Chie or Lorien (in my humble opinion). These two imps could sometimes be such a pain in the ass while being so awfully funny that I often find myself wondering what to do — throw at them whatever was in my hand in annoyance or laugh out loud in amusement. But really, there is only one pervert, illogical and sablay person in the world, and that’s Patsy.

Chie Chie. The girl who has yet to learn that punctuation marks serve a purpose, she is both a menace and an angel. I know I will forever be haunted by her soon-to-be-more-famous lines: “Ano’ng oras ang 3pm?” “Ayan, lumamig na tuloy ang ice cream ko,” “Nine AM ng umaga?” and “Miss, meron ba kayong coke na nagyeyelo, yung tipong nag-a-ice?”

Why soon-to-be-more-famous? Well, Chie, boys and girls, is now a commercial model. Her beautiful face is soon to dominate (and add color to) your primetime TV viewing. Hehe

Jing. It comes as a surprise for those who are not in the know, but yes, Jing is Chie Chie’s sister. But while Chie Chie is taranta personified, Jing is the personification of calmness. Everybody would already be panicking, but she would just be sitting there, working calmly and unaffected by the chaos around her, most probably courtesy of — who else? — her dear sister.

Manong Ricco. I’m actually a few months older than him, but I call him Manong. He can be makulit or masungit sometimes, especially when puyat, but he’s such a darling. Whenever I have to stay late (most often until 1:30am; sometimes 4am) in the office, I only need to ask him to please stay late too, and he would be canceling his appointments, including his date with … uh-oh, can’t say (Sowi!). What’s more, he’s one of the very few people who think I look funny when I am mad. In fact, I suspect he enjoys it when I am “sinusumpong” because it is during these times that he laughs most often. Nakakainis!

Ryan. We’re not really related. Neither is he too young (nor I too old), but yup, he calls me “Tita.” He lives in the shadows of his more famous brother (for now) — GMA’s Jiggy Manicad — but Ryan is destined to surpass Jiggy’s fame. And no, not because he is soon to be given big breaks, but because of some “bomba” about him that I would leak to the press.

Just what it might be? Hmmm… I won’t tell. Hehehe

(Disclaimer: Hey, I am just joking about this racket about Ryan. Despite all the kakulitan that he does in the office, he is one sweet guy. Let me borrow Arno’s words when he talked about Ryan and Jiggy: Maganda ang pagpapalaki sa kanila ng kanilang mga magulang. And that, I think, is the highest compliment any person could ever hope to receive.)