TRUST AND DECEIT

Almost everyone professes to be honest, to value honesty, but if everyone truly practices what he or she professes, then why are there so many lies staring us in the face?

Lies and damn lies — they are what make the world go round. And I’ve been too naïve not to know it. Too stupid to insist on speaking the truth, when the way to getting through the maze of life is to say what people want to hear.

To say things in spite of your convictions.

To flatter people even if you don’t believe in what you are saying.

Why did I let the shell I so carefully built around me be broken by the sweet voice of the angel of pretense? Why did I take the seemingly soft and reliable hand offered to me when every sense of my being was shouting “beware?”

I should have heeded my instinct. “Angels are too good to be true.”

I should have listened to reason. “You love logic; be logical.”

But I didn’t and now I am here. I trusted and now I’ve just been proven wrong. Why did I choose to throw away caution when I knew it is the only thing that is reliable both in good times and in times of trouble?

I should have known better. I should have never lowered my guard.

My whole being still aches from the punches I just received. But my heart hurts more from the betrayal of the one person I thought was a friend.

Ah, I think I have to put on my protective shell once again.


//Sherma E. Benosa
22 November 2007; 2:05am

MEMORY OF YOUR KISS

Your warmth around me, your breath against my cheeks
Dreamy sighs, racing heartbeats; murmurs of sweetness
Gentle caresses, my name softly escaping your lips
My soul warms at the memory of your tender kiss.

Quiet whispers, your voice crooning to my senses
Feather-light touches brushing the softness of my hair
Your fingers delicately tracing the contours of my face
My heart flutters at the thought of your embrace.

Your body pressed to mine, your lips on my forehead
My spirit responds to the rhythm of the wilderness
I close my eyes, as I drink the breeze of your scent
My soul warms at the memory of your tender kiss.

I reach for your hands, firmly encase them in mine
And bring them to my lips as into your eyes I gaze
There, I see mirrored, my lips twitching into a smile
My heart flutters at the thought of your embrace.


For MCP…

Extended version of a poem previously posted as a 12-liner poem.

//Sherma E. Benosa
14 November 2007; 1:40am

Transient Blossoms

Evanescent blossoms I chased
And cherished like a goddess
But now that in the vicissitudes of time they’re lost
I wonder: what’s the point of all of this?

Bright dreams had become mere illusory
Shall I wallow in misery?
Transience I was too blind to see
The wheel has rolled, where will I be?

Groping in unlit alleys
Fumbling for something to hold on to
Wishing for a door to open
But will someone hand me a key?

The sun has eclipsed on me
All that’s left is a void that was once me.
I walk farther, farther down the hall
Until the shadows stop hounding me.


Inspired by a sad poem I stumbled upon this afternoon.

//Sherma E. Benosa;
November 13, 2007; 7:20pm

Dumbledore is Gay!

Like my friend Salve, the thought that Dumbledore (respected headmaster of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the Harry Potter series) might be gay never entered into my mind, although I always wondered why he wasn’t married. And I also did not read this line by Dumbledore: “You cannot imagine how his ideas caught me, Harry, inflamed me,” to mean anything other than deep respect for a fellow genius, for a bright mind. But now, apparently, there is more to it than I initially thought.

The person Dumbledore is referring to in that line is Gellert Grindelwald, a dark, powerful wizard who, in his adulthood, terrorized the wizarding world much in the same way Lord Voldemort was to do decades later. In their youth, Grindelwald and Dumbledore were best friends, until Grindelwald showed to the wizarding community his true color and Dumbledore had to fight him off. Their duel is one of the greatest duels in the history of the wizarding world.

With JK Rowling’s revelation, I now better understand why Dumbledore was very much taken by the “ideas” of his friend and why he delayed battling with him. Being in love sometimes can make some people do stupid things.

Ah, well. I still adore Dumbledore. I think more so now that he is “out!” (And I understand re-reading the whole series is in order! I think I’ve missed a lot of the finer points of the whole series. Arggggh!)

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Here are some more revelations from JK Rowling:
Neville Longbottom married Hannah Abbot.
Hagrid never married.
Snape’s portrait was put in the Headmaster’s office.

Is Snape good or bad? Here’s Rowling’s take:
“In many ways he really wasn't. So I haven't been deliberately misleading everyone all this time, when I say that he's a good guy. Because even though he did love and he loved very deeply and he was very brave, both qualities that I admire above anything else, he was bitter and he was vindictive... but right at the very very end, he did, as your question acknowledges, achieve a kind of peace together and I tried to show that in the epilogue.”

Okay, so there you go.

"Bumship" Report: How Am I Faring?

It’s been two months since I became a freelance writer. My life has considerably become much simpler and less stressful since I left my fulltime job. In fact, I have managed to see a good part of my province, and I’ve written a travel piece about it. I’ve likewise managed to squeeze into my daily itinerary (which consists mainly of writing, eating, and talking to my Dungngo) occasional walks in parks and aerobics.

How have I fared during the past two months? Let me see.

In the first two weeks I wrote one medical article, though I spent most of my energy relaxing and being with the family, and getting to know more about my home province. I also spent a lot of time with my nephew Pau.

In the last three weeks, I’ve written another four magazine articles for publication (two medical and two travel), finished my term paper (thanks, Dungngo), and conducted some researches on magazines where I can contribute. I’ve also watched a play at Greenbelt 1 and attended an art exhibit at UP Vargas Museum. Likewise, I’ve polished my pen (poetry and essay). So far, I’ve written about three essays, one Iluko short story, one english short story, and several poems. I’ve also made two videos (thanks again, Dungngo), edited my Dungngo’s short story and co-authored a nobe-nobela at my blog in Iluko.com. Right now, I am writing an article and I’ve got another one lined up for next week.

I think I’ve been productive during the past two months of my “bumship.” Only, most of my outputs are for personal pleasure (blog posts for blogger and iluko.com… hehehe). So while in the next two months I think I’d be doing pretty much the same, I’d endeavor now to write more “for publication” pieces. Practice time is up. I think it’s about time I churn out more publish-worthy pieces.

________
I think I’d still try to find a part time job — one that would give me regular assignments but won’t ask me to regularly report for work. (Kung bakit kasi puro full-time ang offer! Waaaa!)