The rise of the newest office bully

I’m fully booked this week, and it’s all Chie’s doing. You see, she holds me responsible for her not being able to cover the event [the presscon of Regine Velasquez and Ogie Alcasid’s upcoming concert, "Forever After"] last Saturday. She says had I been in Manila last week, we would have been able to attend the event which, according to her, was star-studded.

Now, as a payback for my absence [that’s how I see things, anyway], she took matters into her hand when I asked her “paki-ayos naman ang mga coverages natin this week,” meaning, sort them out. She made confirmation to every single event we were invited to attend, giving my name and hers as the attendees without [let me repeat that, WITHOUT] first consulting with me, or at least checking with me my schedule.

And as if that isn’t enough, as we were eating lunch today at Virgin Café during one of the events she lined up for me to cover, she blurted out, “Ako na ang mag-i-schedule ng mga coverages ninyo nina Elaine, ha?” in a tone that made me wonder whether she was asking me to assign her that job or telling me to oblige.

O my! I don’t know what happened during the two work-days I was away, but suddenly, Chie had grown into a little tyrant. Imagine, she now bullies the big bullies in the office — Elaine and me. Now, with this development, it’s no longer easy to pinpoint who among us is the biggest bully. Everybody now bullies everyone. [Sure, I’m the original, but those little imps are slowly overpowering me. It seems my reign as the office’s biggest bully is about to end.]

Now, going back to my schedule, I understand I am to sit through two more presscons this week: one at Hyatt Hotel (tomorrow) and another at New World Renaissance Hotel (Thursday). I just hope I’ll have a good time.

Congratulations, Celestine

Received some good news from Celestine (T-tayns) last Thursday: she got accepted to the Japanese Scholarship sponsored by the Japanese embassy. Like her other good news, which I would not elaborate here for fear of being beaten to death, this one failed to surprise me. Our common friends and I knew all along that she would be accepted; it was only she who wouldn’t want to expect. Sure, it’s wise of her not to hope, but I dare say it was quite obvious she’d make it. So why not hope… and dream?

But it’s just so like her to be humble. (Unless you downplay her beauty. She'd fight you tooth and nail if you'd tell you're better looking than she is. Her battlecry is: “According to my mom…”)

Knowing how hard she worked to get accepted to the scholarship and how much she really wanted to further her Japanese studies, I can only be happy for and proud of her.

So, congratulations, Tayns. You deserve it!



NOW TAYNS, moving on to your other “issue,” tell me: any news yet?

Why do I see you grinning? You mean, ala pang progress?

Puwes, eto lang masasabi ko sa’yo (let me borrow this phrase from Elaine): “Hay Naku!”

For someone who’s got sky-high IQ, you are a little dummy in that department, my friend. So am I [dummy, that is], but at least I fair better! And that gives me the right to be exasperated with you. After all the figuring out you tasked me to do!? Hah!



OKAY, going back to the scholarship thingie… I found my book on Transformational Grammar. You might need it. Just give us a shout if you can’t put 2 and 2 together when you start doing your thesis on... ano nga 'yon? Japanese pro-forms? 'Di ka naman nagpapakamatay, ano? Hehe...

I’m sure you can do it. ‘Kaw pa?!

Still, Salve and I will just be here, always ready to give you a hand. On one condition though: you'll have to let us bully you anytime we feel like it… Nyehehe. [What do you say, Salve?]

Lorien's "nose-bleed" antics

For the record, it is not for lack of important things to put on the white board that I started tallying Lorien’s well-done and palpak deeds. I had thought cataloguing Lorien’s kapalpakan would be an effective means to reduce her sablay antics; that by doing so, she would no longer be running around asking people questions like (to Elaine) “Ate Lai, gusto mo ba, yung iced tea mo, malamig? and (to me) “Ms Sherma, pwede na po ba akong umuwi?” thirty minutes after I had told her she could go home.

Brilliant the idea might have seemed at first, but I am now about to concede that it’s not working. Lorien’s “screw you” points have surpassed her “very good” points (6–4). And just this afternoon, when I blurted out: “Pwede ka palang manganak ng caesarian hanggang five!?” (meaning up to five times); Lorien knowingly answered: “Oo naman! Mama ko nga e, madaling araw!”

God! Kung 'di ka ba naman duguin sa ilong!


PREGNANT women out there! Now you know what to do: Make sure you don’t go on labor beyond five pm, lest you'd find yourselves being refused by the health professional on duty, saying: “Naku, ma’am sorry po, bawal na pong manganak after five! Balik na lang po kayo bukas!”

Re: Elaine's Blog

Elaine finally reported for work, after almost three weeks of absence. She's been here for five hours already and ALL she was able to do is, well, update her friendster blog. Tsk tsk...

I ripped it off (with her permission, of course) so I could show you just how mean she is.

From http://moonlightandbutterfly.blogs.friendster.com/moonlight_butterflies_and/

back to the asylum
after almost three weeks of no-show at the office, am finally back (much to the chagrin of sherma lou, though she's insisting that they have missed me and my being a bully). two hours into my post and i soon realized A LOT had happened during my absence, which made me even more convinced that sherma lou's lying about missing me and all — and i just so know it's killing her to have to tell me that she was missing me just so she'd sound like a true friend (and it beats the hell out of me why she has to do that, when we both know we're just pretending to like each other. hahahaha!). [just to show i've got manners, hehe —sherma]

either because the people at the office consider it a pressing matter to catalog lorien's good and bad deeds for the day or for lack of something more important to put in the whiteboard, sherma lou is now tallying lorien's usefulness around the office and her being a pain in the ass, which is a more common occurrence than the former. and as of the moment, lorien (aka our "boss”) has two "very good" points and two "screw you" points.

one-eighth of the same whiteboard has been allotted for the quote of the day, which i think should be renamed as ate chie's corner, simply because it would be her famous lines that are sure to stamp ownership on that space ("mah goodness!"). [January 13 entry reads: “Ano’ng oras ang 3pm?”; January 20 entry reads: "Pinaghintay lang nila ako ng matagal! Ayan, lumamig na tuloy ang ice cream ko!" Both courtesy of Chie —sherma]

another innocent whiteboard has been degraded to show the gazillion bloopers those loonies do in a day. only sherma lou and ate chie's names have figured out in the list so far and am just wondering why patsy's pagiging innate na sablay doesn't earn her the top rank in the list. sherma lou reckons patsy hasn't committed whiteboard-worthy kasablayan yet cos she's so busy with work. and that's exactly a big blooper already! (peace, fatutsi! na-miss kita!)

and speaking of patsy the great, she's really freaking me out. as arno put it, para siyang lesbian stalker. i'd let her own words speak for her: "elaine, na-miss kita. mamya na tayo mag-usap. i'm just happy that we're breathing the same air, standing on the same ground..." patsy, sinasabi mo rin ba yan kay ian?!

quoting the first part of this entry: "two hours into my post and i soon realized A LOT had happened during my absence..." A LOT OF LUNACY, i must say. makes me think whether it was a good idea to have reported to work again, instead of just asking lorien to submit my resignation letter ; ) [Didn't I receive a text message from you telling me that you MISSED us? Come on, elaine, you love the chaos we create in the office as much as we do. hehe. And, would you believe my day is no longer complete without you (and Chie, Lorien and Patsy) pestering me? You guys are the most effective stressor known to FAME. I'm now beginning to love my cortisol-filled life. Thanks to you... —sherma]

2006 and Me

Oh, hello, 2006! Sorry, didn’t notice you come in. Guess I was still trying to cope with 2005’s abandonment when you did. Hah! Pretty nasty way to end a relationship, if you ask me.

2005 seemed nice at first. We got along pretty well. He gave me nice things — a good break, new friends, etc.. Sure, he also gave me trials and challenges — some of which I passed (with flying colors, I must say); but some, well, can’t say my performance was exceptional, but I survived them, nonetheless. He was nice, really. That is, until a few days before he had to go. Would you believe he took my Inang with him? That thieving bastard! Then he put me under the weather, just as I was preparing to welcome you. Sabotage is what I call what he did. Still, that is not an excuse for failing to give you the welcome you deserve. Really sorry, my friend.

Anyway, what’s up?

Oh, too bad you can’t tell just yet. Guess I’ll pitch you a proposal, anyway. Here’s a list of what I think we should do:

1) Travel. Man, I’ve been wanting to travel since God knows when. Hope we can go together. 2005 promised to come with me, but he backed out. Do you think you could come?

2) Move on. I know what my father would say when he hears my plans (“Rolling stones gather no moss…”). Still, I think I have to make a leap, again. Will you facilitate it? Don’t worry, I’ve got a plan. Just need a little help.

3) Ditch my studies. Yeah, I know I’ve always wanted to finish it. But my performance last sem is so poor (Got 2 INCs). I hate turning in a bad performance. But Time isn’t cooperating with me. He exasperates me so!

4) Write stories: one in English; another in Iluko. That seems next to impossible, mind you. But I’ll do my best. Without my studies to distract me, I might be able to.

5) Be more active with Rotary Club.

6) Spend more time with my family and friends, especially with Amang Roman and Lola Matda.

What do you think? Do you suppose you can help me with these? Or do you have other activities in mind?

Find a husband? Whew! Can't you think of something else? You know, something doable...

Friendster testimonials

Tama ba namang kung anu-ano ang pinagsasabi (o pinagsusulat) ng ilan sa mga alang kwenta kong friends tungkol sa akin sa kanilang testimonials? Masagot nga.

From Celestine

“One of the deranged escapees from Mandaluyong.” (We escaped together, didn't we? Hehe…)

“She always seems to have someone she can’t see eye to eye at work. Still, she insists that she is in the right and when you listen to her rant about this person, you'll somehow find yourself agreeing with her. Too bad if you're the person all her ire is directed upon 'coz just one look (from her) will shrivel you dry with no hope for resuscitation.” (Yup, yup… It’s nice when you’re able to make your oppenent crumble by merely giving him or her a deadly look.)

“She tells everyone she's a full time bully and I have to agree; no truer words were ever spoken.” (Hey, you failed to mention that a person must meet a set of criteria to qualify for my bullying spree. I don’t prey on the weak, remember?)

“Perpetually late, unless you threaten her with dire consequences.” (That’s only because I don’t want to be the one to wait…)

“She has a way of smiling that let's everyone know that she knows something about you that she is not telling.” (I’m smiling right now. Why kaya?)

“Self-confessed weirdo.” (Everybody has a weird side.)

“Gifted writer and intellectual heavy weight.” (Wish ko lang…)

"All in all, she is one of my closest friends na hanggang ngayon ay pinag-iisipan ko pa kung kelan nag-umpisa. All I know is, nung freshie kami, Salve and I thought she's one of the upper classmen... d sya nakasama sa block dahil late enrollee sya." (It’s not my fault late enrolee ako. Late ko natanggap admission letter from UP. Waaa!)

*Celestine is one of my closest friends (since my college days pa). She’s the most kikay in our group. She says her greatest talent is “smiling.” But I beg to disagree. She is the only person in the group who pursued Japanese (besides Salve and Jayson — kumusta na kaya ang lalaking ‘yun?) Wait! Come to think of it, ako lang pala ang hindi Nihonggo speaker sa grupo. Apat lang tayo, di ba?).

T-tayns is straight laced (super) and frank. A loyal friend. She and Salve are among the very few who's got my permission to tell me upfront when I’m making an ass out of myself, which, thankfully, very seldom happens (‘coz I don’t let them know when I’m up to no good. Hehe…)

I love her to bits… respect her a lot.

From Elaine

Working with sherma lou (why can't everybody get my name right? It's just S-h-e-r-m-a. There's no Lou, Lyn, or whatever pa! Hay naku!) reminds me of andrea's story, as chronicled in "the devil wears prada." You see, andrea has an "impossible" boss (the editor of a famous women's mag, miranda priestley) — impossible to deal with, makes impossible demands, impossible to please. In fact, impossible could very well be her middle name.

And that's sherma lou for me. She's also an "impossible" boss — impossible not to make fun of, impossible not to bully, impossible not to be a bitch to, impossible not to be the butt of my jokes. see, it's just like andrea's story. she's andrea and i'm miranda. (Honey, that's only because I let you. Hehe)

(hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! i know i'm mean and you can't do anything about it! :) (Go, mean girl!)

*Elaine is one of the best writers Health and Lifestyle ever had. Pretty young thing she is, but don't let her looks deceive you. She's one big bully. Next to me, that is.

Her job description reads: "To stress out Sherma Lou to the max." And mind you, she does a good job of it. Way beyond expectation. All the time.

She must really love her job.

From Patsy

"Jhann aka Titasherms is my constant breakfast buddy, lunch buddy, withdraw buddy, toothbrush buddy, merienda buddy and sir buddy (Haha! Corny mo!)" (I look forward to the day na hindi na corny si Patsy. But then again, she would cease to be who she is. So, sige na nga! Go na lang).

"Anyway, she is oh-so Health & Lifestyle because she definitely adds life to my living (FYI: Adding Life to Living is our magazine's tag line). She is like a drug sometimes she makes me so high with her sablay antics (e.g. the glass door, remember?). Nevertheless, I still love her because even if shes a mean girl and even if I already denounced her as one of the founding members of The Chums, she's always there to listen and give sound advices." (I don't remember ever applying to be part of The Chums.)

"She is also a biatch like me and that just makes her more lovable. Hehe! I am looking forward to more of our sablay experiences!" (With you around, everything just goes sablay... Peace Patsy! Luv yah...)

*Patsy is well-loved in the office. She's fun to be with, especially with her sablay antics and her brand of logic (see my previous posts to get a feel of her logic). At eto pa, would you believe that her only reason for taking up advertising is... well, "Advertising" ang name ng street nila. Laugh trip talaga! LOL.)

Knocking on Your Door

Dear Hugh Manity,

I passed you by again today. I was expecting you’d grab me when you see me. But you didn’t. I don’t understand. I mean, each day, you keep asking for me to show up. You keep wishing for me to knock on your door. But when I do, you wouldn’t open it up for me, or you’d hesitate to invite me in. At times, you’d even completely ignore me.

I hope you realize that there are others who’d be glad to see me, readily embrace me, and throw caution to the wind just to have me. Many even actively search for me. But you… why are you so apprehensive to let me in?

This is the last time I’d knock on your door. I wish you’d invite me in this time. I’m extremely busy; can’t keep coming back to someone who'd just ignore me.

Usually, I knock on one’s door only once. But just for now, I’m willing to give you another chance. I hope you’d do the right thing this time.

Sincerely,

Opportunity

P.S. Please stop whining about how I’ve never presented myself to you. Because I did. Many times. You just weren’t ready to have me.

Copyright Sherma E. Benosa 2005

Thank You, Inang

She might have looked old and vulnerable especially during her final year. But for anyone who have known her when she was much younger — when her daily routine included not just tending to six rowdy boys and managing her home, but as well as sharing as much labor in the farm as the men — she was one heck of a tough woman.

Tough she might have been, but for me, she was the wingless angel who guided us, her grandchildren, through our childhood — the one who patiently taught us the values of caring, discipline, and cooperation. We learned about life more from her than from our books. After all, she was the one who instilled in us the importance of prayers. When she was alive, even as she was approaching death and dementia had already clouded her mind, she still knew her Amami (Our Father) by heart.

As I look at her lying peacefully in her coffin, I see not a lifeless body, but a beautiful face. I gaze at her beautiful face, and I think of her serene smile; and somehow I am 7 years old again, and she, twenty years younger than her present age. I am no longer standing beside her coffin, but am running fast along with my brothers and cousins, to meet her as she walks home from the market, balancing on her head a basket containing our pasarabo — chicharon, pulitipot, pop rice, gatas, galletas, etc… (Back then, galletas and pop rice were the best tasting tinapay we knew of.)

As we all reach for her basket, I sense that she's smiling. But as I look up to smile back at her, I feel being transported back to reality; and there I land right beside her white and silver coffin. I force myself to turn away from her, but not before saying what I'll never get tired of telling her: Agyamankami kenka Inang. Ay-ayatendaka unay.

I walk out of the room, as tears run down my cheeks. Still, I refuse to blurt out words of farewell, for I know I will always keep her in my heart.

Oh, what I would give for just one more hug... But maybe, she'd had all the hugs she needed from me. She left peacefully without me by her side...

Inang Pacing (Faustina Domingo Benosa) passed away at 9:00 pm on December 15, 2005. Several family members (Amang Roman; sons Manuel, Nestor and Benjamin; daughters-in-law Sherly and Luz; and grandchildren Lucky Ryan and Jeannet) were beside her. She was a month shy of her 87th birthday.