It’s been ages since the last time I actually had the time to sit down and reflect upon my life. As I try to look back to the events of the latter part of this year, I realize I’ve been through so many things — good and bad — but I feel as though I had not really been through them. I don’t have a clear memory of them, save for some that really hit me, like being forced to grow up real fast (in 6 months) because of the huge responsibility forced upon me; and getting out of a complicated relationship (that is, if there really was a relationship. I insist that there wasn’t; I walked out on something that was really nothing.).
And then, there is the realization that I’m not the only impatient person in the world. Yup, someone else is tired of waiting for me. He’s gone. He has found someone else — someone who could live the present and anticipate the future. With him. Not like me who lives in the past (of which he isn't a part), and wishes for that past to have a continuation in the future.
I wonder though: this girl he's found — Is she sweet? Is she smart? Is she somehow like me?
Do I feel bad for losing him? Not really. I felt sad, initially. But I’m OK. I guess I’m through being vulnerable. There are events in life that can make one tough. And unfeeling.
But did I really lose him? We never had each other. And as the song goes, "you can't lose what you never had."
Am I still capable of falling in love? I don’t know. There is so much love in me waiting to be shared. It’s just that I won’t.
Some wounds leave deep scars.
