With the way he talked, I had no doubt that his eyes would be boring into mine as he expressed his convictions, and maybe there would even be a challenge in them for me to counter his opinions, if only he could look at me directly in the eyes. But he couldn’t, as he had been totally blind for 15 years.
His name is Ferdie, and it was actually his being a working blind that I sat down with him for an interview one late afternoon. I was writing a human interest story for our magazine, an assignment I chose because I knew where to find my interviewees, and also because I’d been writing purely medical articles for the last two months and I’d been getting tired writing those stuff. I felt the need to write a much lighter story for a change, so I assigned this one to myself.
Sitting next to Ferdie was his soft-spoken and good-looking wife who would smile at me every time our eyes met. The strong bond between husband and wife was palpable. Behind the couple were the other blind masseuses, busy at work.
Ferdie is tall and handsome and looks younger than his age of 35. He is full of convictions which he fearlessly shared with me as his be-sunglassed eyes looked unseeingly at the block ahead.
But it was not just his convictions that I was after. I wanted his story.
The year was 1993 and he was barely 21 years old when his life was altered forever.
He was a security guard on duty when a skirmish broke out in his area of responsibility. He walked to the feuding groups to pacify things, but before he could even reach them, a rifle was shot, hitting him in the face.
Everything turned black, as if the day suddenly became night, and the voices became distant, like a radio whose volume was suddenly lowered, then completely shut off.
Weeks later, Freddie learned that he hovered between life and death for a while, but he managed to trick death and come back to life. Except his eyes; they are now forever dead.
I closed my eyes as Ferdie related to me this part of his story. Then I imagined myself when I was 21 years old. God! When I was that age I just got out of the university, hoping to find job soon so I could help with my brothers’ escalating school expenses, worried sick that if I failed, one of them might have to stop schooling for a while. At age 21, a new chapter of my life was just beginning! I shuddered at the realization.
I sighed. Ferdie’s wife must have felt I was deeply affected by her husband’s narrative. She touched my arm and offered me a reassuring smile. Gratefully, I smiled back at her, knowing immediately that behind her soft voice is an unwavering strength.
The interview went on.
“Noong una, mahirap sa akin na tanggapin na isa na akong bulag. Inabot din ng limang taon bago ko natanggap ang aking disability,” Ferdie shared, adding that he even tried to commit suicide. But when his suicide attempt failed, “naisip ko na baka ito talaga ang destiny ko kasi bakit ganuon, noong mabaril ako, nag-50/50 pa ako, tapos sinubukan kong magpakamatay, hindi pa rin (ako tuluyang namatay)… so naisip ko na baka talagang ito ang magiging mundo ko. Ang maging bulag.”
Having finally accepted his fate, Ferdie tried to find a way to stand on his own despite his disability. He said that it was such a good thing that when he was ready to move on, a radio program was aired about government help for people with disabilities. He jotted down the number the radio hosts read on air, and placed a long distance call to Manila. He was given instructions about where to go and what documents to bring. Within a week, he was on his way to the city.
“Ni-rehab ako… tinuruan akong tumayo sa sariling paa. Nagkaroon din ako ng [counseling session] sa psychologist. Tinuruan (ako) sa home living. Natuto akong maglaba, magluto, maglinis ng bahay. Nag-aral ako ng Braille, abacus, pero sa pagmamasahe ako nag-concentrate,” Freddie shared.
He added that he mastered the art of massage in barely two months (regular training takes a year). Having learned things, he taught at the school for a month, before he got into an on job training, which he also enjoyed. “Kasi may allowance na ako sa school, binabayaran din ako sa labas,” he shared, pride and joy apparent on his face.
I, too, felt proud of Ferdie’s accomplishment. But I learned later that that wasn’t the best part of his story. It was when Ferdie shared with me his and his wife’s romance that things truly became considerably lighter. It turns out that his wife was working at the school where he was enrolled in. They became friends, and then things blossomed into romance which led to marriage. Now, they have two kids, ages 7 and 5.
“Maraming nagbago sa akin simula noong mabulag ako. Mas matibay ang loob ko ngayon. At may mga nagagawa ako ngayon na hindi ko dati kayang gawin, tulad ng Judo. Mas nabigyan ko ng halaga ang sarili ko, lalo na nung makilala ko ang Panginoon…Ngayon, ang pangarap ko, naming mag-asawa, ay mapag-aral at mabigyan ng magandang kinabukasan ang aming mga anak,” he smiled.
I nodded to let Ferdie know I think highly of his and his wife's aspirations for their kids, and of his becoming a better person despite and because of his disability, forgetting that he couldn't see me. His wife saw me nod though, and again, she gave me a serene smile.
As I listened to Ferdie wrap up his story, I thought to myself that indeed, it's difficult to fathom divine designs.
I lingered a little while longer before saying goodbye to the couple. It was not necessary, but we bonded well and I felt they were my new-found friends. I also shared a bit about myself, and answered some of their questions about my work. Then it was time to say goodbye. I shook Ferdie’s hand, hugged his wife, thanked them, then bid goodbye.
Slowly I walked to where I could hail a cab for home, feeling so blessed that I had been given (again) the gift of chance to glimpse at another aspect of humanity.
As I rode back home, I became well aware that I had become a different — and hopefully better — person.
I closed my eyes. No, the world doesn’t end with the turning off of the light.
This recollection-reflection is based on my feature story published in the September-October 2007 issue of Health and Lifestyle titled, “Gaining More after Losing Some.”
//Sherma E. Benosa
23 November 2007; 11:03pm
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