Garden wedding

I always thought a garden wedding is wonderful. And when I say garden wedding, I mean Tagaytay. (Only Tagaytay. In my mind, even Baguio isn’t good enough.)

But that was before yesterday; before I set foot in Fernwood (Sanville Subd. In QC); before our photoshoot with Agot Isidro.

I always liked Agot. I was prepared to be star struck by her. What I was not prepared for was to be awed by the place. Fernwood is simply splendid — a tropical rainforest (complete with swan and waterfalls and fish) enclosed in a skylight dome-roof that lets you party, rain or shine.

Plants and photography

For some reason, I took on the responsibility of doing the interviews and photo-shoots for the article on ornamental plants for the Nov issue of H&L, though I vowed not to write anything for this issue so I can catch up with my school responsibilities.

It was when I was already at the Manila Seedling Bank (EDSA cor Que. Ave.) that I realized what have prompted me to do the article: my love for plants. With the awesome sight of different flowers and plants right before me, who cares that I’m now about to be dropped from my classes due to absences, and that I still haven’t submitted the requirements due a month ago?

Moreover, as I took photos, I told myself: This is what I’m gonna do when I’m ready to go home for good. I’m gonna own and manage a hectare of ornamental plants.

But for now, let me share with you my pictures. (Sorry, the photos aren’t that good. I still have a lot to learn about photography, especially photo composition. All that I learned from a one-and-a-half hour company-sponsored photography seminar I attended was: use flash even (or more especially) when outdoors. There’s another thing, but I don’t know how to put it in words. It’s about blurring the edges.

New disorders discovered...

...among some editorial staff of a monthly magazine.

Shermanized language disorder
This language disorder is characterized by:

• Massive borrowings from three different languages (English, Filipino and Iluko), the structure of which varies depending on the speaker’s location (When in Nueva Vizcaya or any Iluko-speaking place, the structure is Iluko; when elsewhere, the structure is either Filipino or English)
• Wrong word usage
  Example:
  Shermanized language: Sus, sinisintir mo naman ako!
  Correct form: Sus, iniistir mo naman ako!
  (Now, where has sinisintir come from? Answer: From the Iluko word 'sintir' which means ‘to condone.’)
• Sentences usually interspersed with damn and yeah pronounced in 10,000 different ways
• Accent of indeterminable origin
• Adoption of British accent just to annoy people
• Tendency to use words with double entendre and sexual insinuation (and insist that these insinuations are unintentional)
  Example
  Question asked to a doctor’s receptionist: Ano po nilalaro ni Doc?
  Intended meaning: Ano po ang sport ni Doc?

Patsy syndrome
People with this disorder exhibit:

• Disorganized language and thought (You ask them something and they give an out-of-this-world answer)
  Example
  Question: Patsy, ano’ng food mo?
  Patsy: Oo.
• Insatiable thirst for “Kodak” moments (They would smile or pose automatically at the sight of a camera, even if they are not the subject)
• Uncommon passion for “art” films
• Don't know what they really mean

Example:

Patsy: "Naintindihan ko pero hindi ko naintindihan." "Gusto ko siya pero hindi ko talaga siya gusto." (Ano ba talaga ate?)

Patsy syndrome patients also:

• Have a taste for weird food (e.g., dairy cream, pinapapak;)
• Manifest signs of perversion
• Have the tendency to put blame on other people and show no remorse for it
• Have their own brand of logic
  Example
  If Mini Stop is MS and Country Style is CS, ergo, Goldie’s is GS.

Following that line of logic, Tricky’s then is… TS. (Patsy, am I right?)

• Are a hopeless joker (would even create original jokes normal people would not consider remotely funny)
  Examples:

*Babala! (Asawa ni Babalu)

*Ano'ng sinabi ng panda sa photographer? (Sagot: Wag black and white ha, ‘di ako makikita.)

Chie-chie affliction
People with this mental-linguistic disorder tend to:

• Speak in loud voice, but think they are just whispering
• Get over-excited easily
• Have a speech rate of 500 words per minute
• Ignore punctuations such as comma and periods
• Require at least 300 words to say what a normal person can say in 20 words or less
• Exhibit “feeling-close syndrome”
• Insist on pronouncing the /o/ in names (e.g. Jayson) and honorific words (e.g., doctor) “correctly,” meaning, the American English way even when her sentence is purely Filipino
• Have “motherly instinct” over other people – always
• Have broken trail of thought
• Have unidentifiable intonation
  

Elaine condition
People with this problem tend to:

• Say “Hay naku” and “wala na akong sinabi”
• Have unconquerable fear of feathered animals
• Be violent: (50 hampas per day)
• Find it hard to pronounce "myths"

Warning

These conditions are highly contagious. Refrain from hanging out with people who have any of these diseases.


Treatment

These diseases are treatable but not curable. They may recur at least three times a day and the chances of relapse are especially high when people afflicted with these conditions hang out together. Best treatments available are: a good night’s sleep and food either from Tricky’s, Mini-stop, Goldie’s or Country Style.

A visit to a psychiatrist

Before you read further, let me get something straight: I’m sane. Ok?

The writer I asked to write an article on schizophrenia for the mental health issue of Health and Lifestyle informed me that she couldn’t write the article. As it was already too late for me to assign someone else to write it (who would accept an assignment that involves a lot of research and an interview just three days before the deadline?), I was left with no other option but to write the article myself (that’s one of the difficult aspects of my job).

Fortunately, I was able to find a psychiatrist willing to be interviewed at short notice (I made an appointment with her a day before the interview).

I arrived at the doctor’s clinic on time, but was told by the receptionist that the doctor was still seeing a patient. She asked me to sit down and wait for the doctor at the receiving area, which I did. After ten minutes of doing nothing, I started to get bored, so I fumbled with my digicam, then, with the receptionist’s permission, “tested” if it worked by taking pictures inside the room.

I noticed two doctors look my way while I was taking photos. But since they didn’t say anything, I pretended not to notice them. But I wonder what they may have been thinking, seeing me doing weird things right outside the psychiatrist’s clinic. Hmm…

My officemates reckon such a scene would not elicit any reaction from the doctors, that they may have just thought I was a new patient. What do you think?

(Top) Insides of my bag; (Left) My feet

**********

MRT Episode

I’ve read (from various literature) that when one faints, his or her vision becomes blurry and the sound around him or her becomes distant (but not completely turned off) just before he or she is engulfed in darkness.

Save for the blurry vision, I didn’t experience anything close to the description above, but I am sure I fainted on my way to work one Tuesday morning (August 2).

I boarded a jam-packed MRT coach at the Quezon Avenue station in QC. I was carrying a black shoulder bag, and in my left hand were my umbrella, a copy of Reader’s Digest, and my magnetic MRT card. What I can’t get over with, until now, is the fact that I was wearing an outfit any woman in her right mind wouldn’t wear when she plans to pass out — a sleeveless short dress (the one I’m wearing in my photo in my September 6 post). Not that I planned on making a scene (hello!), but of all days I had to pass out, it would be on the day I was wearing some stupid dress. Talk about inappropriate get-up.

I don’t know if it was because there were too many people in the coach (there are always too many people in MRT coaches during rush hours), or because I had not eaten breakfast (I usually don’t eat breakfast until I get to the office), or because I’d been reading (Yes, standing), that I started feeling nauseous just as we were approaching Cubao station (about 2-3 minutes after I boarded the train). I tried to keep my presence of mind by telling myself over and over that I was not going to faint, by trying to focus, by taking deep breaths, and by asking God not to let me faint (Yes again, I do pray). Thinking that leaning on something (or someone) would help, I moved closer to the tall guy in front of me and, inhibitions cast aside, leaned on him.

And then, nothing.

The next thing I knew, I was already seated, and two women, one of whom was pregnant, (ironic, isn’t it) were fanning me. Still feeling weak, I closed my eyes; I was sweating cold. Just then, I heard the driver’s voice announcing we were already at Shaw Blvd., and felt someone putting my things (card, umbrella, and Reader’s Digest) on my lap. It didn’t take long for me to realize what had happened: I passed out.

Looking back at that incident now, I’d say the minutes (or maybe seconds) before the actual fainting is the most terrible part of the experience. I felt suffocated, and my vision was blurry. Add to that is the feeling of helplessness, which, in itself is terrible.

The actual fainting is the easiest part, for I didn’t feel anything at all, maybe because I didn’t fall over (like I said, the coach was jam-packed, there was no way I could have dropped). Everything just went blank. It felt like I was in a dreamless sleep; not even a faint sound penetrated my consciousness.

The waking-up part is not physically too bad either, except for the weak feeling and cold sweat.

It’s the humiliation that’s more difficult to deal with… Up to now, I still wonder how I looked and what happened during the 5 or so minutes I was “out.” My officemates have speculated about it a lot. Their most nagging questions have been: Where had the tall guy gone? Had you seen him again when you regained consciousness? Was he handsome?

Duh!

Only Sometimes

Sometimes I feel sexy and beautiful.

Just like in this photo.

I wish I'd feel that way more often.